Category Archives: Politics

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All Hail The King Of the Two Americas: The Remix

Posted on January 25, 2012 | 4 Comments

Since reading my Facebook newsfeed last night after the President’s Sermon Of The Union address, I’m more convinced than ever that the biggest obstacle the President has is tempering America’s response to him. Not his work…him.

 I wanted to write about that. But once again, what came out on paper started to sound familiar. So I hit the archives and discovered that I already had in November 2009.

All Hail The King Of The Two Americas: Click Here

People, we gotta get rational about this #mediocre-presidency-that-could-be-great-if-we-could-get-both-sides-working-together-but-that-doesn’t-mean-that-it’s-anyone-else’s-fault-other-than-the-man-in-charge-and-that’s-what-he-wants-anyway-since-he’s-a-smart-and-educated-man-who-knew-this-accountability-came-with-the-position-so-he’s-not-asking-anyone-for-excuses-so-let’s-stop-shoving-him-in-the-excuse-box-because-it-diminishes-him-and-his-capabilities-in-the-eyes-of-the-public-and-I’m-not-just-saying-that-because-I’m-in-love-with-him.  Quick.  We’re out of time.

If it’s any consolation, I think it’s what Jesus would do.

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Life Lessons And Other Random Foolishness…

Posted on January 13, 2012 | 4 Comments

I believe every experience in my life to be valuable for learning something that can make the rest of my life, from that point forward, better.

Here’s a “for instance:”

Coffee, which is vitally important to me on any given day takes on a greater significance after an evening spent enjoying the privilege of a bottomless mimosa.  The morning after one such evening, I, truly needing my fix, headed to The Coffee Bean unshowered, without addressing hair and makeup, dressed in raggedy sweats and Uggs that had truly seen many, MANY better days.  So, I’m standing in line impatiently waiting for my coffee and, from the looks of it, some spare change.

I hear the door open and someone gets in line behind me.  Then, I feel breath on my neck so I turn around to give this too-close-in-line-stander a dirty look.  Mission accomplished, I turn my cranky ass back around to wait for my coffee.  After a few minutes, I feel a tap on my shoulder.

“Excuse me, is your name Kym?”

At second glance, I recognized this guy as the bartender from the Happy Hour spot near the office.

Now it never fails, whenever I go out looking like roadkill, I run into every one that I know. But this was easily the worst I have ever looked…in public…at a coffee shop…in the U.S.  (How quickly we forget Tijuana…)

“No, I’m not,” I replied, embarrassed, “but you’re not the first person to ask me that.”

His response?

“Yeah, you kinda look like her but you look better.”

WTF???  Apparently, my homeless skid row junkie look is better than my A game.

So, there are two things that I learned from this encounter:

  1. Every once in a while, you come across a rare person who just prefers the truth of the matter, regardless of how ugly it is, over a dressed up lie.
  2. Perhaps when I’m trying to put out what I think is my A game, I should stop grading on a curve.

To be continued…(once the shame subsides.)

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Posted in Politics

Don’t Start None…Won’t Be None!

Posted on January 8, 2012 | 2 Comments

While I believe he’s just too solid a candidate, doesn’t it almost seem like his GOP rivals are afraid to go hard on Mitt Romney.

Hmmmmm, I wonder why?  (Click Here)

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Posted in Politics

The Blind Driving The Blinded

Posted on December 30, 2011 | 8 Comments

Listen, I enjoy a good white man as much as the next American but there is something about Ron Paul that I just can’t take seriously.

It’s not that he’s a racist asshole.  At this point, I really don’t care.  He could have a gang of black folk and illegal immigrants in his backyard picking cotton, selling tube socks and starching his damn shirts for all I care.  If he had the solution, or even a solution, to restore American to greatness, I say call his ass Massah.  Perhaps the reality is some of the comments that he made may have a grain of truth encased in his legalized heroine-induced hallucinations.  For instance, he said that 95% of the black men in Washington D.C. are criminals.  Unless Congress is in session…then the statistic flips from black men to white men.  See?  Grain of truth…

Neither is the problem that he’s homophobic.  The man is old, people.  His breath is dusty and he’s only got about 25 minutes left to live.  When folks are that old, it’s hard to change their minds about anything.  Back when he was growing up the gays kept their asses in the closet like good little sexually repressed Puritans should.  In fact, we can probably thank all of that pent up sexual frustration for some of our greatest American monuments – the slaughter and ultimate cultural decimation of our indigenous people, our unique brand of misogyny that reduces all of womankind to her bulbous parts and naughty bits and, my personal favorite, good ole’ slavery.  But I digress…now that homosexuality is firmly planted and ever growing in mainstream American culture, Ron Paul is just confused, poor thing! He just doesn’t know how to interact with gay folks.  He doesn’t know what the hell to say or do…or even if gay could be contagious.  The irony is he could totally be good for the gay marriage movement.  Wouldn’t he want government to stay out of folks’ marriages?  Wanna get married?   Then, get married!  Shit, why shouldn’t gay people suffer right along with the rest of us?

It’s not even that his best endorsement is Kelly Clarkson.  Effin’ Kelly Clarkson.  You remember her?  The little chubby chick from Ft Worth TX who won American Idol?  In fact his lack of back up just makes me feel a bit sorry for him.  No one is taking this man’s Presidential bid seriously.   But let’s not underestimate his potential for power and influence by other means and platforms.  FDR (thanks for the correction, decollins1969!) said the only thing we have to fear is fear itself.  I disagree.  In America, we fear the absence of fear even more. We fear people who are not afraid.  And Ron Paul, for all his past transgressions and deceptively simple ideology, has been consistently unafraid in his branding.  This mofo ain’t scared of yo’ ass! His courage, reckless though it may be, is a leadership quality.  He truly believes that American people can be self-sufficient and don’t need the government to provide for us or control us in any way at all.  It’s every man for himself, survival of the fittest.  It’s revolutionary thinking – yet another leadership quality.  All he needs is a big enough group of idiots to gain some momentum and get some power going — and he will lead us right to the end of the world.  (Hmmm, another shout out to the Mayans, I guess…)  Gaining that kind of support is the true driver behind all of his incendiary statements about blacks and gays.  Although, unafraid himself, he’s pulling the strings of marginalized groups in American who truly are afraid.  All of the anti-government radicals in Montana love him!  Think about it, people…if each village in America simply donated their idiot to Ron Paul, he could be President!  Clearly Fort Worth has donated theirs…who’s next?

In spite of all that, the thing that really ticks me off about Ron Paul is that he looks exactly like Mr. Magoo…but with hair. (Go ahead, google it…I’ll wait)  And I don’t know about you…but I don’t mind a blind, bumbling old fool…until he insists on getting in the drivers’ seat.

Then, he becomes a danger to us all.

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Calvin’s Making A Comeback!

Posted on November 15, 2011 | 6 Comments

Remember Calvin?

Back in the 80’s, a kid named Calvin started working the counter at McDonald’s after school in a national advertising campaign.  Cut to years later, the campaign picks up again to find Calvin managing the very same McDonald’s.  I wish the campaign woulda picked up again years later to find Calvin owning that McDonald’s franchise along with a few others but I’ll take what I can get.

Calvin is the reason that I think Obama will do a better job in the second term than he did in the first…although truth be told, it wouldn’t be that damn difficult.

I imagine Calvin showed up for his first day of work, full of energy and big ideas, ready to sit down with Grimace n’em and set this muthf#&% off!  Instead, they put his ass on the fries.  Why?  Because Calvin had no experience.  He didn’t know what the hell he was doing.  I know it looks easy…it’s just hamburgers but the thing about McDonald’s restaurants is that they are absolute monuments of operational efficiency.  Legend has it that regardless of what combination of items you order; the stores are organized, the processes optimized and the employees mobilized to deliver all of your products to you within 60 seconds.  Of course, the order’s gonna be wrong, Calvin’s homeboy has pocketed two dollars of your change and you know them fries are dry as your ass but that’s neither here nor there.  You as the consumer don’t see that there’s a big ole Chinese fire drill going on behind the scenes.  All you know is that ice cold Coke is really hittin’ the spot.  (though some of us will always prefer to drink the Kool-Aid…)

Calvin had to learn all of that before he became manager.  But once he learned, he ran the hell outta that Mickey D’s.

Like Calvin, President Obama had plenty of energy and big ideas but no experience serving them ideas up to a hostile staff and a bunch of customers who were hungry…but had no money or idea what we even wanted.  Now, y’all know as a man, I love me some Barack Hussein Obama.  As a President, not so much. He’s incredibly intelligent and a gifted orator but he lacks the experience to influence key decision makers and establish the support he needs to push his ideas through.  Without these two elements, he just couldn’t be an effective leader in some of the most troubled times our country, hell our world, has ever known.

That was then, this is now.  I suspect that in these last years, Obama has gained some valuable and necessary experience to stand on more sure footing.  He knows more today about the job at hand than when he took office almost three years ago.  And, unfortunately, I suspect he likely knows more than the five candidates on the Republican ticket.

Of the Republican pool, two have experience managing an administration and one has similar experience in the private sector.  The other two candidates have experience influencing key legislative decision makers.  But not one Republican candidate has experience doing both.  That means they are all in the same boat as Obama WAS at the start of this administration…kinda qualified but not really.

Partisan politics aside, in this moment in time, Obama could just be the most qualified candidate.

Wow…that was like taking a bullet.

Let the official Kimchi and Collard Greens GOP Candidate Search begin…

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The End of The Reign Of Herman Cain…

Posted on November 9, 2011 | 6 Comments

When the allegations first came up about Herman Cain and his randy past, I thought he was going to be able to brush it off.  Remember, Clarence Thomas.  If he got away with pubies on soda cans, then Herman Cain can get away with a likkle slap and tickle, right?

So I defended him.  At that point in time Herman Cain was as viable as any other candidate and deserved to be heard.  I took it to the mat for him.  Even as he was mixing up his facts, getting muddled in semantics and not recalling specific details of important events, say for instance, cash settlements, I still defended him.  He was, after all, everyman’s candidate, eschewing politics as usual and speaking plain English.

But the evidence seemed to suggest that when it came to the fairer sex, Herman Cain went from making it plain to making it rain.

Yet he admitted nothing and the strategy appeared to be working for him.  GOP pundits and campaign analysts seemed to think he could rise above it.  His standing in polls continued to be a source of wonder for much of America.  Folks were looking the other way and turning the other cheek.  For all intents and purposes, he was the golden boy of the primaries and it didn’t seem that anything was going to interrupt his flow.  And so it seemed, America was all for sexual harassment…

Until…

Lawd JESUS…the story broke.  One of the accusers was a white woman!  Back up the truck!  Didn’t nobody say nothing ‘bout no white woman!  That changes everything! I betcha all the wheels are coming off this bus in very short order…just watch.

You know, even as Cain was rising to the top of the dogpile, I was wondering how they were going to knock his black ass off.  The GOP needed a black guy, after all the Dems won with theirs.  But they didn’t expect Cain to get as far as he did.   It really started to look like Cain could actually meet Obama in the race.  (pun fully intended)  This means no matter who won, we’d have either a black President or…ANOTHER black President.  Pump yo’ brakes!  Listen, America might be willing to tolerate the first black President they chose, I doubt they’d be so magnanimous if a black President was forced upon them.

What better way to topple Herman Cain than to use the black man’s kryptonite?

So, what about this latest broad?  She is serious.  What she is accusing Herman Cain of is more than harassment, it’s sexual assault.  That’s a fight.  If someone gropes my lady parts and pushes my head toward his thinking parts, that’s not “harass”…as far as I’m concerned, that’s gon’ be HIS ass (or any body part I can break off)  [On a side note:  Can I ask why this chick didn’t wear his ass out in the back of that car ala Ike and Tina?  Or better yet…why she didn’t go to the authorities?  Ladies…we gotta stop giving away our power.  Every time we let a man get away with this shit, we perpetuate our role as victims.]

That is if he did what he’s accused of doing.  Their stories don’t match so one thing is clear.  Somebody’s ass is lying.  But I will tell you this, when it comes to a black man in America being accused of groping a white woman, there’s no such as due process.   Don’t believe me?  The candidates who were taking the high road now are calling the accusations “disturbing.”  What the hell are you disturbed about?  That man hasn’t been found guilty of anything.  In fact, he’s denying his involvement!  That certainly means he’s telling the truth, right?  He did NOT have sexual relations with that woman, Sharon Bialek….ahem.  Excuse me.

Yet another political trajectory disrupted by the most powerful substance on earth.

So anyway, let’s all say goodbye to Herman Cain and hello to another four years of Obama.  I still say it’s Obama race to lose.  All he has to do is not screw up anything else…and hire some chubby, skanky broad with lots of hair to distract old slick-talking Bill Clinton.  Where do I apply?

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Too Bad We Can’t Get Paid For DejaVu Cuz We Got Plenty Of That

Posted on October 3, 2011 | 2 Comments

Unemployment.  It was on my mind.  And we’ve already established that what’s on my mind is coming out of my mouth or out of my Mac.

So, it woke me up in the middle of the night and I got out of bed hoping to take advantage of the inspiration.  I started to write a post on the President’s newest jobs plan but I kept getting the sense that I’d been here before.  Not here as in Seoul but here as in complaining about unemployment in America.  Since I’ve always been lazier than I am innovative, I stopped mid-penstroke and looked up a post that I’d tapped out on the same topic just over a year ago.

Lo and behold, nothing sells my views on the topic more poignantly than the fact that the old shit from last year is still relevant.  Simply replace GOP’s Pledge to America with Obama’s Jobs Plan.  Now, you know Washington is filled with some self-serving cuckoo birds when Republicans and Democrats become interchangeable.  (Current politics make it so easy to be a snarky bee-tah-tah.)  Same sh*t, different year.  It’s all just business as usual.

I was gonna go ahead and say something about Obama’s newest jobs plan but you know what?  Might as well keep all current references out cuz I’m sure I’ll need to use this same post next year, too.

*sigh*

Here’s the link…(click here)

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Posted in Economy, Politics

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Fear Of The Big, Black President…Well, Brown President…Ok, Beige President.

Posted on April 28, 2011 | 14 Comments

C’mon, birthers, let’s just go ahead and put it out there.  President Obama, please just drop your pants and show these good white folks what they really wanna see.   All this noise ain’t nothing but a little fear of the BIG, BLACK D…I can’t say it.  I’m a lady.  But let’s just say it rhymes with DICK.

So, let’s get one thing straight.  This man ain’t never gonna be able to show Donald and them enough to make them feel better about the fact that he’s black.  Captain Catch-A-Negro is gonna stay all over the President’s ass like a bum on a baloney sandwich for some reason or another.  It’s called a rabbit hole.  And if there’s one thing you do NOT do, it’s jump down a rabbit hole…with a fox.

On the black hand side, I can’t even believe we are entertaining this crazy notion of showing papers to prove we’re bona fide in 2011.  Where’s it gonna end?  There’s a black man working at the post office, should he be forced to show the results of his piss test?  How ‘bout Denzel…does his black ass need to prove he was really in the Boys and Girls Club.  I mean did it REALLY change his life. While we’re at it, why don’t we just ask my black ass daddy to produce a copy of the clay handprint he made when he was six to prove that he went to summer camp.

Plus, it’s just embarrassing.  China’s leader called out the racism in America as human rights violation.  We brushed it under the rug but he may have a point. Even though he’s a civil servant, the President does have some right to privacy.  We don’t have the right to know everything about him or anyone else for that matter.  It’s a violation of his rights and I’m hoppin’ mad about it!

AND I’m mad that he’s even playing into it.  If the birther losers want to challenge the validity of Obama’s security clearance and background check, then their beef is with the agency that cleared him. And further, if he’s not a natural born citizen, is he naturalized?  Then, just let one of these birther bastards climb up off his sister and find that documentation.  Or is the President an illegal?  If he’s illegal, then we all need to be arrested for hiring an illegal.  If it’s against the law for Wal-Mart to do it, then it’s against the law for us to do it.

Enough.

Since you won’t say it, POTUS, I’ll say it for you…Birthers, you can kiss the right side of my ass.  Like Obama, the right side of my ass is the black side.  UNLIKE Obama, it wasn’t made in the U.S. of A.  One outta two ain’t bad.

Ok, rant’s over.

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Priebus and His Merry Band Of Idiots

Posted on April 10, 2011 | 24 Comments

Voting for Obama the first time was the equivalent, I imagine, of sleeping with someone on the first date.  In either scenario, you gave up something valuable – your vote or your cookies – without really knowing much about the other party.  Maybe you got caught up in the moment, or maybe you’re just generous with your cookies.  I don’t know.  But what I do know is that a choice like this is always a gamble. Whatever your goal may be, sometimes the risk pays off but sometimes you just get screwed.

Let’s be clear.  I got the hots for Obama.  If he was single or his wife didn’t pack two guns, he could totally get it.  He’s kinda like the man that I’ve built in my dreams – a funny uber-intelligent super geek with a nerdy yet cocky swagger…who spends his spare time inventing algorithms that mimic human intelligence while quoting Tupac to a dope beat…who tells jokes that are above my head and snort-laughs until soda comes out of his nose…who has the perfect amount of mock self-deprecation to cover up his huge ego and charming arrogance.  *sigh* How am I not married by now?

So, I had mixed emotions when Obama announced his re-election campaign.  No surprise here, folks. This is what sitting Presidents do.  Despite what his critics say, it’s got nothing to do with disordered priorities or lack of focus…it’s just the nature of the beast.  Quite frankly, it would be weird if dude was like, “Nah, I’m good.  I’ma pass.”  Neither is it too far in advance.  583 days may look like some serious, way in advance planning but those who are complaining about the timing of his announcement have clearly not learned anything from observing this man at work over the last two years.  You cannot underestimate his ability to move the American people.  The timeframe should be a warning shot that this man has got big thangs poppin’.  He ain’t afraid of you muthaf…well, you get the point.

That said, I’m still a Republican and as much as I love the man, I can’t stand the man’s policies.  This is where the getting screwed part comes in.  I’m tired of the excuse that he inherited a mess because he’s made as many messes as he inherited at this point.  Bush was a monkey.  Got it.  Got over it, too.  But we can’t fix it by spending more money on it.  (On a side note, I sure hope that the next time I lay bleeding to death in an alley, I’m not found by a Democrat because clearly y’all have not yet learned that you cannot stop a gushing wound with a band-aid. But I digress.) It’s high time to look forward in a fix-it state of mind and the rampant spending is not going to get us there.  All it does is give voice to a bunch of radical fundamentalists who are attempting to take this country hostage with it’s terroristic rhetoric. Cup of Tea, anyone?

So listen to me, GOP…I’m looking you dead in yo’ face and lettin’ you know – absent a better candidate, I will be voting for Barak Hussein Obama again in 2012. I did it in 2008 cuz I wanted to peep some change on the docket, now I want a better option cuz I wanna KEEP some change in my pocket.  (I miss Jesse, y’all) So, you got only 583 days to rustle up a better option.  Not such a long time after all, no?  While, you runnin’ around worried about somebody’s damn birth certificate – and by the way, seriously?  Do you expect me to believe that this man runs the most important country on earth…wait, that would be China…ok, so the most important country in North America…well, no THAT would be Mexico (drug cartels alone can’t be that powerful without states – but that’s another post)…hmmmm, the most important country north of Mexico (sorry, Canada!) without a background check while the rest of us can’t get a job at the post office without pissing in some plastic?  Look, this man is talking about raising a billion dollars.  Stop bitching and get your priorities straight.  Obama is the candidate to beat, not the candidate to bitch.  Everybody knows you can’t a bitch a black man with a billion dollars in his pocket!

So, let’s clear the arena of all the rodeo clowns, identify the bucking steer and let the games begin.  Let’s look at the Republican candidates, shall we?

  • Sarah Palin? The missing link?  Alive and well in Alaska. Pass.
  • Newt Gingrich?  I’m not voting for a man named after a toxic, slimy reptile.  (ok, they’re really amphibians but I took a little license here) His mama knew what she was doing.  That’s not a name, it’s a warning.
  • Donald Trump? If you can’t manage your hair, then you can’t manage the country.  I said the same to John Kerry about his wife’s mouth.  Leadership starts in our homes and personal lives.
  • Mike Huckabee?  I don’t believe any candidate with Tourette’s Syndrome has ever won the Presidency.  Shaddap!!
  • Ron Paul?  He just LOOKS like he got some slaves all tricked and trapped up in his basement.  Uhhh….Mr. Paul?  We’se free now!

That leaves us with Mitt Romney…and didn’t he get in fight with a hip hop artist on a plane?  Then again, that might be just what we need.  Perhaps he and Obama can just shove this one out.  Winner takes all!

SMDH.

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Can You SMELL What Mubarak’s Cooking?

Posted on February 2, 2011 | 4 Comments

World leaders and common believers in democracy both have offered many sage words as a show of solidarity with the great people of Egypt.  I share their vision as long as the view is the back of Mubarak’s ass.  To the soon-to-be-displaced Mubarak, I offer these words of advice:  Get yo’ hat, yo’ shit…and GIT!!!!

Now that I got that off my chest…I have to ask.  Where do 1 million poor Egyptians get their hands on the resources necessary to organize multiple protests, garner the support of the armed forces and take down a corrupt government?  I mean, I ain’t got nothing against Egyptian folk but coming from someone who plans stuff for a living, this ain’t no easy task.  I mean, sure, they built the pyramids but as I’m looking through the crowd of protestors, I’m hard pressed to find any Hebrew slave labor.  Who is doing the work of coordinating and executing this massive effort? Even just transporting this number of Egyptians in and around and between two heavily swollen Egyptian cities is a logistical nightmare.  How the hell did they get all those camels into the big city?  Particularly since Egyptians can’t walk closely in a single file since they have to move both of their arms like serpents in front and behind.  Ever try walking like an Egyptian…all up on another Egyptian.  That shit ain’t possible.

And speaking of things that ain’t possible…

How does a country that is buckling under the weight of its own poverty, where 40% of the population lives on less than $2 a day come up with the bang-bang to launch protest after protest after protest within a six day period – and effectively so at that?  That’s not an accident; that’s a deployment.  Particularly since we’re seeing the rise of a modern day, poor man’s Moses emerging to lead the opposition. Did the Egyptians hold an underground election to choose him? Call me a conspiracy theorist but this level of organization requires funding and resources.  Lots.  The kind that comes from state coffers.  And that’s a problem.

It’s a problem and a downfall.  Why?  Because when are countries going to learn that democracy only works when it’s left alone to take root and grow organically.  These manipulations, even those designed to falsely overthrow a corrupt dictator, often yield unwieldy and unpredictable outcomes that come back to bite us on the ass.   A system, even a flawed one…hell, ESPECIALLY a flawed one, cannot be yanked out without effective Plan B leadership.  An intentionally decisive cut is always better, heals faster than a hapless tear.  Just ask the woman who gave birth to Tyra Banks or any other pun’kin-head baby.

My prayers are with the Egyptian people tonight. I hope they find what they are seeking:  democracy, freedom, justice.  And that they get to enjoy it for at least a short period of time before we all get our asses owned by China.

Zai jian!

 

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Posted in Egypt, Global Village, Politics

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