Category Archives: Politics

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Can You SMELL What Mubarak’s Cooking?

Posted on February 2, 2011 | 4 Comments

World leaders and common believers in democracy both have offered many sage words as a show of solidarity with the great people of Egypt.  I share their vision as long as the view is the back of Mubarak’s ass.  To the soon-to-be-displaced Mubarak, I offer these words of advice:  Get yo’ hat, yo’ shit…and GIT!!!!

Now that I got that off my chest…I have to ask.  Where do 1 million poor Egyptians get their hands on the resources necessary to organize multiple protests, garner the support of the armed forces and take down a corrupt government?  I mean, I ain’t got nothing against Egyptian folk but coming from someone who plans stuff for a living, this ain’t no easy task.  I mean, sure, they built the pyramids but as I’m looking through the crowd of protestors, I’m hard pressed to find any Hebrew slave labor.  Who is doing the work of coordinating and executing this massive effort? Even just transporting this number of Egyptians in and around and between two heavily swollen Egyptian cities is a logistical nightmare.  How the hell did they get all those camels into the big city?  Particularly since Egyptians can’t walk closely in a single file since they have to move both of their arms like serpents in front and behind.  Ever try walking like an Egyptian…all up on another Egyptian.  That shit ain’t possible.

And speaking of things that ain’t possible…

How does a country that is buckling under the weight of its own poverty, where 40% of the population lives on less than $2 a day come up with the bang-bang to launch protest after protest after protest within a six day period – and effectively so at that?  That’s not an accident; that’s a deployment.  Particularly since we’re seeing the rise of a modern day, poor man’s Moses emerging to lead the opposition. Did the Egyptians hold an underground election to choose him? Call me a conspiracy theorist but this level of organization requires funding and resources.  Lots.  The kind that comes from state coffers.  And that’s a problem.

It’s a problem and a downfall.  Why?  Because when are countries going to learn that democracy only works when it’s left alone to take root and grow organically.  These manipulations, even those designed to falsely overthrow a corrupt dictator, often yield unwieldy and unpredictable outcomes that come back to bite us on the ass.   A system, even a flawed one…hell, ESPECIALLY a flawed one, cannot be yanked out without effective Plan B leadership.  An intentionally decisive cut is always better, heals faster than a hapless tear.  Just ask the woman who gave birth to Tyra Banks or any other pun’kin-head baby.

My prayers are with the Egyptian people tonight. I hope they find what they are seeking:  democracy, freedom, justice.  And that they get to enjoy it for at least a short period of time before we all get our asses owned by China.

Zai jian!

 

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Posted in Egypt, Global Village, Politics

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Dorothy, Are You Seriously Asking A Monkey, Albeit A Winged Monkey, How To Get To The Emerald City?

Posted on October 19, 2010 | 5 Comments

A friend made a comment today that explains a lotta shit – he said, to paraphrase, that Bill Clinton made such a mockery of the office of President that he actually eroded the standard to which we, as Americans, once held our leaders and politicians.  If the last couple of days have been any indication, now any dancin’ monkey with a street organ and a tin cup can run for office and frighteningly — can win votes.

There’s a whole bunch o’ chicanery going on in politics now.  That’s chicanery…not be confused with chicano-ry.  Which is what Sharron Angle came up against when she walked into a room full of Latino students and tried to deflect criticism about the use of dark-skinned images solely to characterize Latinos in her ads.  This ignoramus actually said that its “difficult to pinpoint someone’s race” and then to prove it, she went to tell them that some of them “look Asian to me.”  Apparently, someone’s race isn’t as difficult to pinpoint as she had originally thought just milliseconds before.  In all fairness, Asians are just easier to pick out…what with their ubiquitous bowing and ever-present protractors.  When asked to clarify, Angle replied, “Hey, burritto, eggroll..it’s all the same.”

Speaking of Asians, the father of the world’s most famous little Eskimo, Tripp Palin, has just announced his plans to run for mayor of Wasilla, AK – a post once held by his famously infamous baby mama’s mama, Sarah Palin.  His platform?  There’s no real qualification to run for the office so he’s certainly as qualified as anyone else.  Yup, folks, he actually said that with his actual mouth.  Hey, Levi…may I suggest a campaign slogan for you:  “I might be dumb as nickel but I’m worth five cents more than the bitch you had before.”

If that wasn’t enough, we were treated to a politician so stupid, her only proven accomplishment is being the one person on earth dumber than Sarah Palin, a title previously held by the likes of Paris Hilton and Dan Quayle.  That’s right, folks, Christine O’Donnell wowed us all with her knowledge of the First Amendment in a senatorial debate against Chris Coons denying that the Constitution called for a separation of church and state.  After Coons replied that the Constitution “bars Congress from making laws respecting the establishment of religion,”  O’Donnell abruptly countered with “I know you are but what am I?”  Sources close to Coons report that he had to be physically restrained to prevent him from replying “perky tits and a nice ass.”

And speaking of Coons…who the f$#@ left the gate open?  I can’t possibly close this post without addressing the up and coming Rent’s Too Damn High party.  Folks, I’m here to tell you while the rent may be too damn high, clearly the bar is way too damn low.  Somehow, Jesse Ventura and Uncle Ben’s love child was able to meet all of the requirements to participate in the gubernatorial race in the state of New York.  I used to think that level of democracy made this country great.  Now I think it’s a good diagnosis tool for dementia…or great entrepreneurship.  This soundbyte is just beggin’ to be laid over an autotune track and sold on iTunes.  Don’t Be Tardy For The Rent’s Too Damn High Party!  Sure, let’s dance to it but don’t buy it. The only thing scarier than a fool with power is a fool with funding.  Have we learned nothing from eight years of George W. Bush?

Damn, I had a light and airy post today about Christmas at Neiman Marcus but I got sidetracked by this here shit.  Now I’m angrier than a black woman at an NBA Wives convention. I could go on with more examples of politics gone wrong but enough is ENOUGH, America.  All this crap happened in the last two days!! We gotta to hold our politicians to a higher standard starting right now. Use your votes wisely to make your priorities known to your local politicians.  Then use your pens.  Write a letter.  Make a phone call. If you have some free time, drive down to a mofo’s office and sit there and until he or she comes out and talks to you.  Bring coffee and donuts.  Make it nice.

Raise…your…voice.

They work for us…now let’s be like massah and work ‘em til they can’t work no more.  Don’t make me sing no Negro spirituals up in this piece. Cuz I will, y’know, for emphasis…and for karaoke.

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Posted in Politics

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I’m Weird, I’m Here…Get Used To It!!!

Posted on October 18, 2010 | Leave a comment

A friend told me this weekend that societal issues cannot be fully understood on a macro level…that in order to get to the crux of an issue that affects everyone, you gotta look at the individual stories of the someones.  Well, in the last couple of weeks, I’ve seen the tragic end of the stories of five someones, gay teenagers, who felt that suicide was the only way out and to that I say, “ENOUGH!!!”

It’s time to talk this thing out before one more precious, viable, lovable life is destroyed.

What’s the real issue here anyway?  I get that we as Christians believe that homosexuality is wrong but how does preventing someone from getting married dissuade them from being gay?  If they’re born gay, ain’t they still gonna be gay, married or not?  Maybe even gayer.  Y’all know how folks get when you tell ‘em they can’t do something.  Jokes aside, it seems to me that being gay and being married are two unrelated things.  Plus it’s about equality — why shouldn’t gay people suffer right alongside the rest of us??

Christians, if we believe that homosexuality is a sin then certainly we believe that lying is also a sin because it’s written in the same source.  However, there are a whole group of liars getting married every day…they’re called MEN!!  But I don’t see your ass writing up no propositions to keep their lyin’ asses out the sacred institution.  The reality is there are many sins — that’s why there are so few real Christians.  So why, then, are we honing in on homosexuality as the worst sin?  I smell hypocrisy (I know it sounds mean, but I did sing it in a really high voice to soften the blow) And LBGTQ’s – before you get your panties (OK, so some of you wear boxers – but c’mon bois, I’m just sayin’ it for effect) all in a knot about how God made you that way so it can’t be a sin – STOP.  You can’t change thousands of years of a belief system just because you say so.  Folks are not going to accept readily what they don’t understand.  Period.  And not even Your Royal Gayness is going to be able to change that just because you’re quick-witted and sassy. It’s only natural for folks to want to understand how this will impact the institution as we know it.  I, for one, have asked quite a few LBGTQ’s about how these marriages would fit into the church and the Christian belief system as we know it and I’ve yet to get a straight answer. I think most of us are tired of the bashing and would jump at the chance to talk and understand one another.  But instead we all just seem to be condemnin’ and confusin’.  It gets us nowhere and it ain’t gonna work.  And that’s straight talk.

Gay folk are not just gonna give up the ghost and go ‘way.  I have to agree with them – they’re queer, they’re here and we’d better get used to it.  Just like America did with black folk, it’s time for America to accept gay folk…in that long-handled spoon, love ya from a distance but don’t move into my neighborhood kinda way. Well, that’s not true…everyone wants gays to move into their neighborhood.  Damn, black folk, we’re about slip one more rung on the social ladder.

Anyway, the long and short of it is that beliefs can’t be forced on anyone.  But tolerance must.  We’ve all got to have a zero tolerance policy for physical and verbal violence and bullying against the LGBTQ community.  Not just because it’s wrong but also because you’re likely to get hurt.  All the gay people I know are scrappy as hell!!  They’ve been fighting bullies all their lives.  Pick on ‘em if you want…but you like to had got dealt with.  Just cuz he like pink don’t make him a punk!  (Note:  Got a few questions about the phrase “like to had got dealt with” from some folk not well versed in the vernacular.  ”Like to had got dealt” is a colorful, idiomatic expression that indicates the receiving party would have his ass handed to him presumably after an ass whoopin’ the likes of which he has never experienced before.  My people are wonderfully gifted and creative craftsmen of language.)

A little human compassion goes a long way.  Despite what the church says, I’m not ready to de-humanize the LBGTQ community and force fit them into a monolithic box of lumberjack dykes and effeminate, squishy-bottomed boys on their way to Sodom and Gomorrah…or West Hollywood, as we know it today.  There are stories and people and families and really, really fabulous fashion sense involved here.  Can you imagine a couple being together for fifty years and then one of them gets sick?  Can you imagine the other one not being able to make decisions about the partner that he or she spent their entire life with just because they’re the same gender?

The truth is that I don’t know how I feel about the issue of gay marriage, perhaps because I’m more concerned about the marriage part than the gay part of that phrase.  But I do know that I need to be educated quickly before, left to my own ign’ant ass, outspoken devices, I try to make a decision on my own.  Have we learned nothing from the Tea Party Movement?  Right, wrong or indifferent, human compassion tells me that love is love and that two people who decide to spend this life together should be able to do so and be recognized to the very, very end.  Or at least until Jeff Fisher comes in and splits the assets equitably cuz one spouse found out the other one had a secret hetero relationship on the…uh, uh, up high?  Equal rights, y’all, equal rights.

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Posted in Lifestyle, Politics, Popular Culture, Relationships, Religion

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On A Serious Note…(That’s Right, I Can Be Serious, Dammit!!)

Posted on September 27, 2010 | 11 Comments

More than halfway to our destination, the pilot’s voice interrupted our flight as we soared through the mountains.

“Folks, looks like a storm’s brewing. Please return to your seats and fasten your seatbelts. Flight attendants, please secure the service carts and return to your seats.  There’s going to be a good deal of turbulence.”

We returned to our seats, terrified.  Everyone was quiet as the plane started to tremble and shake.  Somewhere in the back of the plane, a baby started crying.  BAM!  The plane began a fast descent, losing altitude rapidly before recovering.  Suddenly the lights go out.  Pandemonium breaks out as the flight attendants jump up and begin shouting questions and instructions all at once into the darkness.

As if from on high, the pilot’s voice comes back over the intercom and announces, “Ladies and gentlemen, this is just too hard.  We’re going to turn the plane around and go back to where we started.  Then, we’ll swap out the flight attendants and try a different route.

And scene!  The preceding is my theatrical take of the GOP’s Pledge to America.  I love this document…I think this is a well crafted, refreshingly decisive, beautifully conservative manifesto of an invigorated organization that is focused and determined to be the new guard in Washington.   It is almost poetic.

But poetry is not politics.  And politics are not plans.

This document does not consider the reality, the enormity, the psychology of our economic situation.  Famed finance guru Dave Manuel put together a quick synopsis of previous recessions and recovery times.  The conclusion:  the shortest, mildest recessions took the country on average of six years to restore key indicators to pre-recession levels – starting when the recession ended.  I think everyone would agree that, if latest recession has ended, it certainly didn’t end long ago.  I’m more inclined to agree with history and independent economists – it’s gonna take as long as its gonna take.  Recovery of the job market is not going to happen soon regardless of what party is at the helm.  Period.

This simple tidbit lends the GOP’s Pledge to America about as much credibility as Lindsey Lohan’s rehabilitation.  Sure, it sounds like a good game, even goes through all of the steps but, at the end of the day, with the same conditions and the same Washington politics, we’ll still be strung out…er, strung along in the same way.

Let’s stop looking at rates for a minute and look at discrete jobs.  According to MSNBC, there are “14.9 million out of work and looking for jobs.”  Closing the gap would require several quarters of economic growth.  This is more than a notion.  They go on to say that jobs would need to be created at the rate of 125,000 per month.  With that rate being the only factor, full recovery is nine years away.  Maybe that theory is right, maybe not…but it certainly sounds more realistic than the expectation that recovery could happen in a matter of months.

Both parties need to quit playing and focus on the things we can control to engender economic growth.  A strategy based solely on job creation is a gross oversimplification of the factors that brought us to this crisis point in the first place.  Our economy has been on the decline since late 2007.  We are a beleaguered nation, mentally exhausted from the constant pounding of a sensationalized political fight that uses our fear and our ignorance as weapons against us to swing the tide at will.

There are some complicating factors to our current economic situation.  Skittish companies started jettisoning jobs rapidly in 2007.  Since then, worker productivity has drastically increased as workers improved their performance to keep jobs that were perceived to be hanging on by a thread. As a result, the jobs that were lost are indeed lost.  Regardless of how much you lower taxes — they are simply not needed anymore.  To further that pain, the latest recession was the final death knoll for a good number of manufacturing industries in the U.S.  Going forward, the focus will be on high-tech manufacturing in addition to the good ole American manufacturing stronghold e.g. agriculture.  Our learning curve in the high tech areas is high.  We are lagging behind Asian countries in these areas that require highly skilled workers.  We may have to face the reality that our manufacturing contribution to the GDP will just be smaller until we close the gap.  That doesn’t sound like growth to me…but sometimes I’m hard of hearing.

We need a focused effort on re-educating and re-training the American workforce in order to make ourselves more competitive for the new jobs in the new sectors in the new economy.  This is going to be a tremendous hurdle given our abysmal world rankings in public education and our overwhelmingly skittish corporations who are waiting for consistent demand before hiring.

The truth is this current administration seems to have largely ignored the sense of urgency of the American people.  We’ve spoken and spoken consistently.  Our primary concern is unemployment.  Not just unemployment but unemployment nonetheless.  Among other things, we want jobs.  Obama and his team look like they’re doing everything under the blue sky except creating jobs.  But I don’t believe they’re ignoring the very issue that is driving the success…or failure of this entire presidency.  The problem is they haven’t been forthcoming or realistic about their capabilities to begin with.  Change is coming, yes, but not now and not soon.  I think they’re doing everything in their power but I also think they’re powerless.  Ask anyone who’s given birth, it’s going to take as long as it going to take.   But reality doesn’t win election when folks are scared, hope does.  Just as the Democrats did in the 2008 elections, the GOP are now seeking to corner the market on change.

Lesson learned:  we don’t need any more promises or pledges.  We need a plan and we need patience and perseverance.  We need real participation from a bi-partisan Congress that is accountable to the American people to work together.  Changing the guard at this point will just change the Party of No moniker from the Republicans to the Democrats.

Go vote, America.  Vote to stay the course.  Research your local candidates and vote only for those candidates, regardless of affiliation, with a willingness and a proven record of abandoning party politics and working toward a common goal of an America restored to greatness and stability, regardless of what party is in charge.  Restore control to the American people.  Restore accountability for cooperation to Congress.  Demand answers from the current administration. Stalk your local politicians.   Be the boss of them.  Vote. Vote. Vote.

And turn off the damn T.V.

And ask more questions about Ron Brown (and if I disappear for asking too many questions about Ron Brown…then ask lots of questions about me.)

OK, the last two were just personal preferences.

But always remember – “that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom — and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth”

Now, we return you to your regular programming already in progress….

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Posted in Economy, From Me to You, Politics

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Mama Always Said, If You Ain’t Got Nothing Nice to Say, Say Nothing At All. Sorry, Mama!!

Posted on September 20, 2010 | 9 Comments

I made a quick run this past weekend to the Congressional Black Caucus in D.C. expecting to see bright (albeit liberal,) innovative, empowered folks being all congressional, being all black and being all caucus-y.  The thing about one outta three?  It ain’t even half the damn battle.

First, lemme say that I only attended one CBC-sponsored event and that was a party (Heyyyy!)  But as I looked around at the beautiful, well-heeled, superbly educated black folk sipping expensive cocktails and eating overpriced rubber chicken, it occurred to me that the difference in buying power between poor and middle class black folk has polemically displaced the folk who are caucusin’ from the folk who are strugglin‘.  So, what the hell is the purpose of this conference again?   After all, shouldn’t the plight of strugglin’ black folk in America be at the top of the agenda for the CBC?  That would make sense to me but I didn’t see any poor black folk in the room.  C’mon!  There’s an endless supply of poor black people in D.C. – seems to me, with those kinda numbers, it would be harder to keep ‘em out then get ‘em in.

Ok, so – benefit of the doubt- maybe they couldn’t figure out how to get strugglin’ black folk engaged in the caucus.  Other than INVITING SOME (do I need to repeat that?) one option would be to employ some.  Coulda killed two birds with one stone. Mighta held a party or two at a black owned restaurant. Perhaps you coulda had some black folks provide catering — maybe that cooning, grinning, she-buck of an Aunt Jemima from the Popeye’s commercial coulda whipped up some chicken and shit.  That woulda been impressive!  There were some missed opportunities here, guys.  Standing near the dance floor listening to “Play That Funky Music, White Boy” – I surprised to see that, well, he was.  WTF?  How ‘bout a black DJ?  You a damn lie if you say you couldn’t find one.  Finding a black DJ in D.C. is easier than finding your own ass…in your own pants…with an ass map.  And what about security?  Wait – the bouncers WERE black.  They’re always black.

Maybe I’m overstepping since I only attended one event and quite frankly I have neither the time nor inclination to fact check the vendor list.  But if there were some strugglin’ black folk in there, I swear they were hiding behind the ice sculpture or the big punch bowl with the two little silver cherubs pissing out champagne punch.

So, the whole thing just seemed like a masturbatory exercise designed for the black middle class to showcase not only our own perceived success but also our continued willingness to push black dollars out of our own communities where they are sorely needed.  How very liberal indeed.

Yet, even in the face of this political Mardi Gras, I still had to address the “sellout” topic this weekend because I’m a Republican.

Let’s clear the air, I confess – the Republican party don’t want yo’ black ass.  Sorry.  They don’t want my black ass, either.  Stop worrying about folk wantin’ us and worry more about what’s going on in our families and communities.  I don’t give a damn if a Republican wants me at the rally, in the PAC, at the reception, in the neighborhood.  They may not want me there but they sure as hell want my ass contributing to their party – in the pocketbook and in the voting booth.  And as a result, I have a voice and an opportunity.  Particularly, if I combine that voice with other like-minded people – those who put community, not politics, first.  That’s what I thought CBC was about.  Not a back patting festival for liberals and their financially crippling ideology.

And quit giving default and undeserved credit to these impotent Democrats.  Democrats don’t want our black asses anymore than the Republicans do.  The biggest con in the history of mankind is the presupposition that the Democratic Party has a particular affinity for minorities.   Designing policies that keep folks dependent on government programs and handouts is no evidence of affinity, my friends.  To quote J.C. Watts, “race-hustling poverty pimps” is a more accurate description.

The problem is, black folk, we still ain’t raising our voices adequately. CBC 2010 would have been the perfect platform for raising our voices.  But what was painfully obvious this weekend is that most of us are so disconnected that we clearly don’t know what the hell to say when we do.  Racism and it’s deleterious effects are alive and well – and so deeply ingrained in our culture and our collective psyche that every policy ever created, even the “FUBU” one, has two sides – the white side and the black side (with other minority groups falling somewhere in the middle.)  And you can bet a howler monkey’s big red ass, the black side is on the wrong the side of both parties.  The job of a bi-partisan, yes, bi-partisan CBC should be to empower us to work our way around it.

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Posted in Politics, Race

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Damn, It Ain’t Like We’re Trying To Get Whitney And Bobby Back Together!!

Posted on August 16, 2010 | 15 Comments

I’d appreciate it if everybody took a step back and got off the President’s nuts for like two seconds.  That should be enough time for us to really look at the issue of the proposed Ground Zero Mosque and fully realize that awfully handsome man is just doing his job, DAMN!  Upholding the Constitution…that IS why we pay him the big bucks, right?  This country was founded on freedom of religion.  Period.  Not just the religions we like.  All of ‘em, even the altogether absence of ‘em.  The most dangerous precedent we can set is to withhold the rights of an entire group of people for the behavior of a few.   And I’m not just saying that to dissociate myself from Flavor Flav. (Although, in all honesty, it is also a desired outcome.)

Don’t get me wrong, I see the challenge.  In this country, we’ve always suffered from a cognitive dissonance between the America our Constitution says we are and the America we actually live and believe.  Somebody betta tell the mama that the baby is ugly.  The great foundation that our forefathers built for us would be rocked to the core by the premise that we would prevent someone from exercising their rights because of their religion, if emotions run high enough or if someone’s religion is scary enough.  The moment we cross that line, we cease to be true Americans.  I don’t know about you but I’m not willing to give that up.  I live, die and bleed red, white and blue.  I believe that America is the greatest country on earth and the Constitution the greatest written work ever thought of by man.  My strange allegiance to Liechtenstein and Right On! magazine notwithstanding.

So, instead of crossing that line, let’s deal with the real issue.  It’s ugly but somebody needs to say it…we, as Americans, are still struggling to forgive Muslims, all Muslims for 9/11 and for the numerous acts of terrorism that followed, whether they were perpetrated by radicals or by states.  We also overlook or forget or simply don’t know what it means that many Muslims are also Americans.  That’s right, many of our fellow countrymen – patriotic, loyal and sincere – are Muslims.  Denial is a bitch – a big, hairy, nekkid bitch with morning breath.  Because while we talk a good game about embracing Muslims, we’ve been talking that game out of both sides of our mouths.  In other words, we been talkin’ shit, folks.

The overwhelming majority of Muslims are no more responsible for 9/11 than the overwhelming majority of Americans are for all of the warmongering that has taken place since.  Yet they’ve become a pariah for polite company.  In hushed tones, we exchange knowing glances and phrases like, “one of them…you know what I mean.”  Somehow, it’s become okay to “know what folk mean” when they cross the lines of respect and equality for Muslims.  Americans get all behind equality when you mean that an Irishman is no better than a German.  But throw some colored folk in the mix and all of a sudden them tones become hushed and them glances become knowing.  There’s still a good deal of healing and tolerance that needs to take place so that we can even begin to seek real reconciliation with the Muslim world.

At the end of the day, the person who we should be saving all our sass and moxie for is the damn Imam who’s kicking America straight in our nuts by trying to put the mosque at Ground Zero in the first place.  He claims to be seeking reconciliation and perhaps his strategy is to rip the bandaid off aggressively but really what he’s doing is shining a very uncomfortable light on America’s intolerance while blatantly slapping the victims of 9/11 in the face.  I’m all for rights but I believe that, in America, one way  we respect one another is by collectively honoring those events and places that are historically painful for constituent groups.  A mosque at Ground Zero is perfectly legal, may even still be ethical, but not at all sensitive to the loss of life and safety that Americans suffered that day.  It offends my sensibilities as an American and I am wholly and entirely against it.  Not because it’s wrong but because it hurts.

Wherever the boundaries of sensibilities lie in this situation, the positive note is that we can use this lack of judgement of one leader’s part to catapult us toward the reconciliation between the Muslim and western worlds that eluded Bush and continues to be beyond Obama’s reach as well.  I pray to my God, just as I’m certain that both devout and moderate Muslims pray to theirs, for an end to the violence and the warfare that has plagued this world since our brotherly progenitors parted ways centuries ago.  Surely, if Jermaine and Tito can work out their differences, we, the children of Isaac and Ishmael can work out ours.

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Posted in Global Village, Politics, Race, Religion

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Ahhh, Glasshoppah, Once Again, The Student Has Surpassed The Teacher…

Posted on July 8, 2010 | 3 Comments

According to this article, [click here]  Levi Johnston has come forward to clarify the accuracy of personal statements made about the Palin family.  In other words, he claims he was lyin’, y’all.

I read his apology and found his words to be eloquent and apropos.  It was a honorable apology by he who has grown into quite an honorable man.

We should all be so lucky to have our teenaged daughters knocked up by such an honorable young man as this.

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Posted in Kids, Politics

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Keepin’ Yo’ Head Above Water, Makin’ A Wave When You Can…Ain’t We Lucky We Got’em??? Good Ti-i-i-mes!!!

Posted on June 26, 2010 | 4 Comments

Being poor in America in a lot of ways is just not the same as being poor in other countries. When you are poor in the Congo or Bangladesh or the Ukraine or Guatemala – you don’t have shoes or toilets or or hygiene or teeth. When you’re poor in America? You got cigarettes and cable and vacations and, thanks to our being a welfare state, a mad sense of entitlement.

Now, before you jump on my ass, I get that some of us poor folks, the ones who are struggling to make ends meet are not the same as others of us poor folks who sit and wait for handouts. When you do your absolute best and sustenance remains outside of your reach, then you hold your up high and get the assistance that you need to feed your family while you get back on your feet as fast as you can. Perhaps someone in your family is sick and medicine is winning the war over food, maybe your wife rolled out with a neighbor and left you with a mortgage and five kids, each of them crumb snatchers wanting to eat every day, maybe your man can’t keep his hands to himself and you had to get his ass hauled away. Life happens.

In this recession, that six months of living expenses that’s supposed to be tucked away in your savings account is a figment of some childless white man’s imagination. I don’t believe anyone in their right mind has a problem with politicians – Democrat or Republican – who support temporary social services for folks are fighting to stay afloat but still need a lifeboat. That’s not who we’re talking about here (click here)

Now, you know good and hell well, you can’t just give a gang of folks no free debit cards…all willy nilly. This was never a good idea. Of course, you’re going to have some folks abuse the system. This wouldn’t be California otherwise. Fraud is rampant all over California. If you were going to work this system in 49 other states with no problem, California was going to be the state that would buck the trend and do something a little felonious.

But $1.8 million dollars withdrawn from the casino floor in the last 8 months? Damn. Let’s do a little research and a little math. $1.8 million dollars withdrawn from ATM’s that charge $5-6 per transaction…yes, I did say $5-6 dollars. Feels like gettin’ shot, don’t it? For every old suspicious-ass uncle who ever told you a conspiracy theory, please call him right now and apologize for your skepticism because THAT IS how they getcha! Anyway, assuming a $300 withdrawal limit, we’re talking 6,000 transactions. At $6 bucks a pop? The ATM company made $36,000 (this is an egregiously low estimate cuz realistically folks were withdrawing smaller amounts which mean more transactions to get to the 1.8 milli but whatevs) Now, the $1.8 milly got popped on the floor which the casino undoubtedly turns into a ri-damn-diculous profit margin since the odds are designed to lean in their favor PLUS they get a commission on the luck of your draw, my little leprechaun. Not exactly magically delicious for the taxpayers though, eh?

But here’s the biggest stick in your ass. Of those plays, SOMEBODY won and likely hit big. Off of our money, taxpayers. And we ain’t get shit. Well, yes we did. But what we got ain’t usually talked about in polite company.

But thank God that Arnold Schwarzenegger has stepped in to save the day. He’s gotten all the little deviant welfare careerists who scammed the system in the first place…to promise they wouldn’t do it again. Wow, dude really doesn’t know dick about people. There’s a difference between good folks that need help and the assholes who are defrauding the system. This ain’t calculus, dude. Every single person who made a withdrawal from a casino needs their benefits cut off and the money returned. Period. I don’t need a promise, I don’t need a commitment. I need my damn money back. I was a California tax payer for 10 years and this stings like a mofo.

I support the elimination of the direct, recurring free cash benefit in California. California Dems can kiss my ass. Unless they are going to properly legislate and enforce proper oversight and protocols, this is just not a system that works. I stand with my fellow Republicans who want to shut down the access @ ATMs at liquor stores, adult stores, bars, hair salons etc. I don’t care about the civil liberties of a welfare recipient that wants to purchase a fifth of vodka and freshly pressed hair with my money. Unless, of course, you are a white or Asian woman with black babies. Then, you should be allowed to use your benefits at hair salons. Y’all got them po’ babies walking around lookin’ like who shot John. How long are we going to let our little mulatto children look like their headbands should be made of yellow crime scene tape? But enough about my childhood…

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Posted in casino, Crime, Economy, Global Village, Lifestyle, Politics, Stupid Human Tricks

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Yo’ Mama Got White Hair Like Barbara Bush – Oh, Wait – Yo’ Mama IS Barbara Bush!

Posted on June 20, 2010 | 7 Comments

Y’know, it’s amazes me that the very same people who were quick to talk all out the side of their neck about George W. Bush, talkin’ all kinds of mess ’bout him AND his mama, are the first one’s to get all out pocket when someone takes a run at Barack Obama. Don’t get me wrong, Bush let the American people down. Our disappointment is really what opened the door for an Obama presidency in the first place. Change. Now we’re disappointed to find that, while certainly smoother, President Obama is proving to have an equal share of shortcomings himself. Why the surprise? They’re both human. If we hold one to a certain standard, we must hold them all to that very same standard. President Obama’s inability to gain control over the Gulf crisis is not much different then Bush’s inability to gain control over the Katrina crisis (that’s still going on, mind you.) But wait…do you see that little light way down yonder? Our almost-new President is learning from some of the mistakes of his predecessor. He didn’t just fly over the Gulf, he inserted himself in the middle of the madness, surveying the damage for himself. Perhaps if there was no Katrina, President Obama would not have known the importance of engaging the local communities this way.

But there’s a broader issue at play here. As far as I’m concerned, anyone who takes a personal or disrespectful shot at any president is out of line. The President of the United States regardless of his decisions always commands the respect of the office of the presidency. President Cheyney, oops, I mean President Bush had as many flaws as he had strengths but we held those flaws underneath a microscope and a bright light and we pointed, we ridiculed and we laughed. Even worse, we did it while the world watched. Now we’re doing the same with President Obama.

That’s why the president of Mexico came to our country, talkin’ slick about one of our states for their stance on immigration right to our collective face. Listen, Arizona may suck ass but they are OUR ass suckers and we exclusively reserve the right to call them out on their ass suckery. But El Presidente Calderon came all up and through with cajones the size of bowling balls, threw the huevos on the table and talked shit right to our faces. That’s our fault. We made this bed, now we gotta lie in it. Quite frankly, I think President Obama shoulda handed his presidential pen to one his aides and boxed some lumps right into Calderon’s forehead. How you gonna roll up in somebody’s house and talk shit about ‘em? Back in the day, that kinda shit would catch you an eye jammie. I ain’t tryna start no mess but me and America? We go way back, we go back like movies and snacks…like rhythm and blacks…like Whitney and crack. Slowly but surely, taking shots at America’s leaders, institutions and way of life has simply become the norm throughout the world.

Perhaps the verbal slaying of our leaders wouldn’t be so bad but for two factors. First, we are at war and second, we are in a global financial crisis where we risk emerging no longer a superpower but rather a country saddled with so much debt that America’s very greatness will be repo’d…and everybody knows by now…the repo man is China. Yes, y’all, America could have bad credit on the other side of this crisis. We gonna have to put our shit in Canada’s name. The Brits have been waiting for this since 1776! At a time like this, we cannot let the one who leads be ridiculed. Criticized, of course! Cornel West said, “Respect, protect…and correct.” But ridiculed…that’s something different. We can’t have other world leaders and terrorists lining up to play Yo’ Mama with the President! Y’all have seen some of these presidential mamas. We can’t win that game. Look, it’s a very serious time in our country’s history. I mean folks ARE dying all over the world, well – all the folks, that is, except for Osama Bin Laden, the mofo that started all this damn fighting in the first damn place. Didn’t we just put Stanley “Toukie” Williams to sleep for the exact same thing?

Look…I get it -we’re struggled with the respect issue because our leadership (past and present) seems to be struggling with the effectiveness issue. The truth is 9/11, Katrina, healthcare, economic collapse, Afghanistan, oil spills – these are not simple problems. These are catastrophes. And sometimes when a catastrophe hits, you just gotta ride that mofo out to the end. Sometimes, nothing can be done to change the natural course of things. But we can expect that leadership, like leaked oil, will float to the top – sleeves rolled up, plan in hand, ready to mobilize the American people and get us moving through it. This is where our leadership has failed us. Don’t just get it in the oily water and float helplessly in the debris with us. Have a plan for getting us to a lifeboat. This aimless floating nonsense? We can do this on our own…we need you for some better shit.

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Posted in Politics

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DISCLAIMER: His Views Are Democratic Views, Not Black Views. He’s Running For Senate; Not The NAACP!

Posted on June 10, 2010 | 6 Comments

Can we start a petition? South Carolina has got to go! 

Those mofo’s just elected Bruh Man from the Fifth Flo’ as the Democratic Senate candidate slated to to run against the much better qualified and properly funded white Republican incumbent, Jim DeMint who is already picking out the new furniture and old ho’s he is going to redecorate his office with to celebrate his second term. (click here)   South Carolina first made it clear that their politicians don’t care about the state’s image and now…the people have proven that they don’t care either.  And if they do indeed care, then they need to fire their Democratic Committee Chair who claims they voted, get this, alphabetically.  Alphabetically?  What kinda shit is that? Even a four year knows that you go eeny-meeny-miney-mo when you need to make a tough decision.

South Carolina continues to make a mockery of the American process of kinda-sorta democracy-ish…and I’m done with these scan’lous bastards!  So, the well-known game amongst South Carolina Republican political operatives is that you get white conservatives out to the ballot boxes when you put a black candidate on the ballot.  Them white folks will shut that whole state down so they can get out to vote and make sure they don’t end up with a black candidate.  But if you’re going to play these kind of games, at least try to fool somebody.  Why pick THIS particular black man?  You coulda picked any black guy, even one as purty and shiny as a new nickel…and he’d still lose in that racist state.  So, why not upgrade?  Why is this the best black man you can find in South Carolina?  You shoulda called me – there are quite a few fantastic, qualified black men in South Carolina. You coulda picked one of them and then I wouldn’t have to explain this loser to everybody at work tomorrow.  Clearly, we are going to have to work on SC’s high quality negro detection skills.

Or maybe that’s the not issue at all.  Maybe the real issue is that Barack Obama got these white folks all turned around and confused.  Maybe it wasn’t a trick.  I mean he is an awe-inspiring man; intelligent, fine, polished, fine, powerful and don’t forget, fine.  But y’all know he ain’t come out the box that way, right?  Some assembly was required.  Michelle (and probably her mama) had to shape him up, mold him, y’know put a little water in his mouth…but more importantly, she had to sprinkle him with her Magical Negro Dust.  Clearly, Arnold Greene ain’t been dusted.  Arnold Greene is just dusty.  And there is a difference!

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Posted in Politics, Race