AP Sports Columnist Tim Dahlberg wrote an article entitled “Tiger Woods Doesn’t Understand He’s Not In Charge” (click here for article) which leads me to believe that Tim Dahlberg is the one who doesn’t understand. Tiger Woods is indeed in charge…of this scandal, of the golf industry and of Tim Dahlberg, truth be told. Now, thanks to rehab, he may even be in charge of his own penis. In fact, the only thing Tiger Woods is NOT in charge of is the ho that wouldn’t take her name off the voicemail like he asked, no – begged, her to in the first damn place.
Since Dahlberg doesn’t know yet that Tiger is in charge, I thought I’d clear some things up for him.
1. Tiger Woods, Incorporated. ain’t no damn golfer!! Tiger is a walking, talking, stick-and-dick swinging one-man stimulus package (no pun intended….yeah, right!) with annual revenues in excess of $1 billion dollars. Dude ain’t layin’ off – even though his personal crisis happened during our economic crisis, his staff has remained fully employed. He’s giving out them good “guh-ment” jobs!! His oversexed ass is sitting right at the top of that food chain, lookin’ down at and lining up all the lovely la-days!! We are about to see a corporate turnaround of Apple-istic proportions!!
2. Tiger Woods, Inc. is dinged but not damaged!! It’s not likely he’s lost any skill on the greens. AND if Tiger went out today, he could easily create another lineup of even better broads to diddle…with his wife’s approval. Now that Elin knows the name of the game, she can become a more strategic player. She is the CFO of a major corporation. She ain’t thinking about Tiger, she ain’t thinking about them hoes. Tiger is the product that fuels her family’s economy. You think she bought that Swedish mansion with the money she earned nanny-ing? The entire Tiger Woods machine is focused on one thing and one thing only, getting their product back on the market.
3. Tiger Woods, Inc. is not to be messed with. This company eats naysayers for lunch. Tag Heuer knew what the hell they were doing. I bet Accenture is feeling the pain of quitting him. He’s breaking his silence during their tournament. Who’s going to be thinking about golf while Tiger’s on the M-I-C? And the other golfers? Please! Not even worth mentioning them – he’s trucking them on and off the greens like Godzilla marching on Tokyo. Help them, Oprah Winfrey!!! He’s taking on companies, golfers, broads, media — kicking asses and taking names. Except, of course, for that ho that…well, you know.
So, my point is that although Tiger Woods, the man, may be embarrassed or hurt by the crisis. Tiger Woods, Inc. just had a really bad quarter. And like all other companies, as long as they have a strategic plan and the resources to deliver the goods, they can…and often do come back stronger.