Choking Hazard: If Your Kid Chokes On A Hot Dog, The Other Kids May Kick His Ass

Enough is enough!!

First, they tell us we can’t beat the hyper little maniacs anymore. Then, we take the concept of losing out of Little League so that all the kids can be winners (when CLEARLY they are not all winners. I won’t name names) and NOW pediatricians are advocating redesigning the shape of hot dogs so kids don’t choke. (click here) WTF?!?

Who are these kids these days? They don’t go outside and play; they don’t ride bikes. Not to mention, what kind of red-blooded American kid doesn’t suffer from kickball addiction? or dodge ball? or freeze tag? If not them, then who will hang out at the park pool all day? Who will chase the ice cream truck ten blocks and eat Bomb Pops until their tongues are blue and their fingers sticky?

Being a kid is a dying art. There will plenty of time for them to be middle-aged computer geeks with squishy bottoms and sunlight deficiency. Now is the time for them to be outside playing, just two precarious steps from harms’ way (you know, almost drowning, breaking bones, skinning knees) until the street lights come one. Good times! Not sitting at home eating their ergonomically redesigned disc-shaped hot dog pellets with the covered ketchup receptable that prevents eye injury. Who the hell wants that? One day, these little pansies are gonna regret that we robbed them of their childhoods when they’re living for the ever shorter weekends that separate 60-hour work weeks.

Children must learn that only the best make it to the top. In order to make it to the top you must be the smartest, the strongest, the fastest — or at the very least, make sure it’s your turn at the pole when THAT person walks in the club.

-This post is dedicated to the memory of our friend, RIP Robin.


6 thoughts on “Choking Hazard: If Your Kid Chokes On A Hot Dog, The Other Kids May Kick His Ass

  1. I agree whole heartedly!! We need hot dogs to stay the same and kids to get out of the house to play and chase the ice cream truck (cause I can’t do it anymore). Hopefully we will be able to get back to “Natural Selection” with some of these A.D.D(opes) will choke on the hot dog, get hit by a car or fall off their bikes and bust their heads. This way class rooms won’t be overcrowded and the smarter kids (mine :p) can get the education they’re supposed to.

  2. It almost sickens me to watch the children in my househould. They are nothing like we used to be. Getting fresh air on a beautiful day is unheard of around here. When we were children, I could not come in the house without being told, “You smell like a puppy.” Kids nowadays have come couch potatoes.

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