You Have The Right To Remain Topless But Any Pasties You Leave Can Be Pressed Against You In A Court Of Law!

In what is easily the funniest news story since Magic Mitts Romney brought back the Vulcan death grip, a 19-year old barista was arrested at The Bottom’s Up coffee house for pubic…er, public exposure. (click here)

So, maybe if I was man — I wouldn’t have a problem with this idea. But the entire thing seems a little gross to me.  I’m not sure that I want to be served a hot beverage by some broad in a bikini. I personally need more than a thin strip of nylon separating my beverage from someone’ s lady parts.  But I totally get that it really is a matter of preference.

And it’s not just a hygiene issue, it’s a bad career choice.  The chick in the article is just 19-years old so she’s at the beginning of her career but cut to 15 years and 3 babies later….you’re gonna need that barista to bring ya’ something a little stronger than coffee, that’s for sure.  But I don’t begrudge her youth and beauty.  What really sticks in my craw is why the hell they’re calling her a barista in the first damn place?  I’m more inclined to believe that her name is Barista…Barista Jones, in fact, than I am to believe that she knows anything about coffee at all – other than it’s mostly hot…sometimes.  What did she do to earn the title ‘barista?’ Did she go to coffee class? Did she learn the roasting process?  My guess is that she showed someone her tits.  So, let’s just be real with it.  And fair, too, because meanwhile there’s some middle-aged, underpaid waittress workin’ the bar at the local HoJo who will be pleased to know that if she shows you her ta-ta’s when she brings your Ernest & Julio Gallo, well whaddya know, she’s  a sommelier. That outta bump her up from minimum wage.

As a side note,  did anyone else misread the word “pasties?”  I read the article and went away confused, thinking this chick had two scones taped to her boobs.  So read carefully…just cause it’s coffee house don’t assume she’s walking around covered in pastries.  When you assume, you make an ass of u and me…and the dumb topless broad who could be working a club for about a 100 times what she’s making refilling the half and half dispenser half nekkid.


13 thoughts on “You Have The Right To Remain Topless But Any Pasties You Leave Can Be Pressed Against You In A Court Of Law!

  1. Gross, and not for the reasons you think.

    For me it’s simply a hygiene issue. Nipple hairs in my coffee = GROSS. I’ll pass but I’m sure Clarence Thomas would be the first in line.

    ITA with your assessment on this Kym.

  2. Yeah I said it, nipple hairs. Whiel we are on the breast subject, this need not apply only to women because I’ve been PLENTY of men out there with titties – not breast – titties! Firm ones at that – smh. Maybe they can use the “pink ribbon” stickers at pasties the next time they venture out in public exposed.

  3. Silly Kym,

    If only Tiger’s rehab was nearby, that waitress would be sooooooooooooooooooo taken care of for at least the next 5 years :-).

    Afterall, el cheetah did reach the bottom of the barrel by shagging a waffle house waitress (and what I understand, the waffle house ranks just below Ihop and Denny’s).

  4. I think judging by the article, she was just trying to maximize her earning potetial and get all the tips with her tits that she could. And whats the big deal? The place was called “Bikini BOTTOMS” not “Full Bikini”. And by the way, let us not be hypocrits. I took a look at YOUR uploaded pics and you happen to have a picture of a waiter that is TOPLESS. Is he just as much of a “dumb topless” person as the waitress? And in the instance of a topless man, there is a much greater chance of getting a nipple hair in your order

  5. We will agree to disagree. I don’t believe drunk women will ever tip a topless waiter as much as a horny old guy will tip a near topless waitress

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