Ballistic: Naomi Cambell v. The Samsonite Gorilla

I wish I could fight.

It would help because I gotta big mouth.  I’ve always had a big mouth and I’ve never been able to fight.  And I’m here to tell you — that ain’t a good combination.

If I could fight, I would be able to tell everyone exactly how I feel about some sh*t and then give out open slaps to the mouth if anybody don’t like it.  I’d start with Naomi Campbell. (click here)  This giraffe is outta control.  She is free and lose with the paws, y’all.  If you outta order around Naomi, oh, you gettin’ Deebo’d.  It’s not going to be one of the silent, secret Munchausen by-proxy beat downs either.  Nope.  This broad is ’bout it-’bout it, doing heavy artillery overhanded smack downs and going ape sh*t like the Samsonite gorilla flinging suitcases and poo all over the place.

Remember him?

The problem with Naomi is she hasn’t worked in a while. She has only one marketable skill and even that’s waning as she gallops toward the big 4-0.  There’s not much an outdated supermodel can do at that age with the possible exception of guest starring in some clever and finely crafted limericks.  But even that’s tenuous for her since the only thing that rhymes with Naomi is “Hey, homey!”  It’s a big problem, see? When folks are valued by us only for their looks, what is their value when their looks are gone? There are a million folks just like her – celebrities, models…even the young people who live in our homes.  All they had to do was look pretty – not develop character or personalities or even impulse control.  We put up with that foolishness for years but when we decide it ain’t cute anymore, we all of sudden demand good behavior?  Ain’t gonna happen.  She’s practically a cripple. She will need to be taught…and rehabilitated.   We’d better get used to it…Beyonce’s right behind her, our kids are after that. 

So, now po-po is lookin’ for her.  She keeps doing the same stupid stuff over and over.  I hope she hires a good lawyer to settle with the victim and that it all works out in the end so she can continue working for the few months she has left in her career…cuz otherwise, somebody is gonna have to teach this bitch a trade.  And we all know what she’s gonna do to that guy.

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2 thoughts on “Ballistic: Naomi Cambell v. The Samsonite Gorilla

  1. Oh please, I can tame Naomi in less than 72 hours.

    Let me drop her off at a beauty salon either in north philly or southwest philly…..they’ll beat her beyond black and blue to shades of grey and red.

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