Seems like another politician is getting caught out there in a seedy sex scandal with some District staffer. Hardly any time has passed since the last scandal. One by one, we’re finding out that while folks in Washington are not getting along in session…apparently, they makin’ up between the sheets.
It makes me wonder about the moral decline in America. It makes we wonder about the state of politics in this country. It makes me wonder when our politicians are going to focus and starting taking our problems seriously. But most importantly, it makes me wonder: Is someone dipping District staffers in butter to make them so damn irresistable!! I mean WTF?!?! Let a sistah know before she buys a 10-lb bucket of Land-O-Lakes. Unsalted, of course. Look, these effin’ staffers must be indescribably HOT! Like smashed atom hot, middle of the earth hot, summer in Houston hot cuz you got these well-known, established, power players completely losing their minds and risking everything for ’em. Think about it, if you ain’t gotta look at ’em, these politicians ain’t exactly the short end of the stick. Great jobs, lotsa money, beautiful homes, illegal domestic workers, hedge funds, expensive cars (or at the very least cabfare.)
As a single woman, I will attest – this kinda man is hard to come by! The last time I was able to lure a man like that on a date, I had to use a blowgun full of tranquilizer darts, a net (don’t ask how) and a whole tray ofe smoked meat snacks from Hickory Farms. I need to know what the secret is because I’m tired of dating a man just because he has most of his teeth (including the ones he keeps in his pocket.) These politicians give up everything for these staffers. They wreck their marriages, they devastate their children, they disappoint their constituents, they forget their sexual preference or remember it…depending on how you look at it. all for a little slap and tickle with some intern with nothing to offer but a butt that stops moving immediately after being slapped and an eager smile.
Clearly, these staffers know something that I don’t know or like I said, they are just the hottest place on earth (with the only possible exception being L’il Wayne’s pants.) Either way, I’ll have my eye on them. Perhaps they could teach us a thing or two. I’m a capable student. I might not know it now…but I’m learnin’. Call me, Newt. Muah!