The Battle Of The Bulge Faces The Land Of The Rising Sun. No Wait, That’s Japan. Whatever, Same Difference.

Am I the only who rolled on the floor laughing? (click here)

First of all, isn’t 70 years a long time to lay in waiting for an enemy attack?  I’m not an expert in foreign relations but it seems to me that it would okay to unclench your sphincter by now, Great Leader Yang Hua.  I think we can all agree your little kung fu fatties have time to fight the battle of the bulge safely before Prime Minister Hatoyama and the J-Pop All Stars come rolling through in Hummers and tanks.  I hope we don’t hear any reports of little Chinese children being run into the ground by some militaristic fitness regime led by little women with overly muscular legs that force them to work off their dim sum with endless Tae-Bo sessions before they hit the books for 12-straight hours of marathon study.  On a side, we’re never going beat these people, are we?  While the Chinese kids are building muscle, intelligence and discipline, American kids are spending their afternoons debating whether it’s Kraft Macaroni and Cheese or Kraft Cheese and Macaroni before they eat them both.

 But my real question is: why does any country singularly responsible for one half the world’s population worry about being attacked by anyone?  I mean the Japanese were some bad imperialist mofos back in the day but that day is done.  They don’t want war, they want Louis Vuitton and high end sunglasses with gradient lenses.  And even if they do send their forces to attack China, can’t the Chinese just take a page out of the book The Five Chinese Brothers?  That’s right…hood fight!!  If they come up in your hood, call da’ homies and jump them mofos!  I mean realistically if they are attacked by Japan, won’t each Japanese soldier have to fend off like 12,000 Chinese people a piece.  Well, on second though, never mind – knowing the Japanese, they’ve already invented something. 

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