I blame this on Angelina Jolie and Madonna. (click here) What the HELL would make you think you could adopt a baby from Russia, bring him to the U.S., screw his little psyche all up and then send his ass back because he’s not actin’ right? If everyone who’s kid acted an ass could pack him up and fly him to another country, there’d be no damn kids in America! See, these celebrities will make you think this adoption mess is quick and easy but there is nothing, I mean nothing, like pickin’ up a quick, little foreign ass McBaby only to find out he got plans to burn yo’ house down…with you in it.
Don’t get me wrong, adopting a kid is easy…when your paper is long. You can have all kinds of nannies, psychologists and Mexicans to smooth out the rough spots. But if you’re just ass out, then be prepared to be rode hard and hung up wet once or twice throughout the process. After all, look at what you did – you took a seven year old from the only home he’s known, put him through a 14 hour plane ride to a strange country…Tennessee of all places, where he really stands out without a cousin to hump or BB gun to shoot ‘coons off the fence. (Twenty bucks says you can’t guess if I’m talking about a rodent or not) He’s got no idea what’s going on – no more friends, no more vodka, no more bear wrestling. So, of course, he smacks you a couple-twenty times. It’s a stress reliever, little Nikolai got the KGB on his ass, nonstop Miley Cyrus on the radio AND dude in the next trailer looks decidedly like Jason Bourne. Who wouldn’t start a small fire in the living room under these conditions?
And what the hell is wrong with the woman who adopted him? Damn, even if I wanted to return a sweater to the store, I would accompany it back to the store. I hate to say it…no, I damn don’t! I LOVE TO SAY IT! I hope her ass is arrested. She needs to catch a case behind this one. That child was in her custody, legally he is her child, even if he is a little psycho. In this country, you can’t put your 7 year old on a plane to send him to another country into the custody of a perfect stranger without spending some time in a cell spooning with Frankie the pre-op Latin King who tries to lure you outta your knickers with the pruno she bought for 40 loosies and the birthday money her husband put on her commissary. Wait! What the hell were we talking about? Oh, yeah! Should this lady be allowed to get away with this because the kid is not American? C’MON!! We gotta do better than this, people!
But in a broader sense, isn’t there something wrong with a chick who can turn a sick child away like that? I mean, ain’t we supposed to be hardwired to be all tender and shit? At the very least, she coulda tethered him to a pole out back until the meds started to kick in. I swear! Some broads just ain’t fit for motherhood.