Don’t Listen To Them, Listen To Me! I’m A Republican, I Know Spanking.

Spanking is a strong predictor of violence in children before the age of 5.  (click here)  Really?  And here all this time I thought it was a strong predictor of who’s NOT going to be robbing banks by the age of 9. 

Listen, I know these are smart folks.  I know they work at Tulane and they’re doctors, these are not stupid people.  I suspect that they are not sexy people either but that’s a post for another day.  What we need to rap a taste about today is these damn kids that are completely out of control…and I think these studies are to blame.

NOW, you know good and HELL WELL (for emphasis and for your information, I did a pregnant pause between HELL and WELL cuz I meant it!) that these bad ass kids need a good, old-fashioned foot-in-your-ass, knock ’em out with one punch…and then wake ’em up with another punch beatdown every now and again.  But instead they’re getting time outs and that, my good educated people, is why they stay cussin’ their mamas out in front of the candy shelf at the cash register, in the line at the bank, at the Jiffy Lube (where I once saw a child cuss his mama OUT like she stole his winning lottery ticket for telling him “that we agreed we weren’t going to play with our privates outside.”  He cussed her out so bad, I couldn’t bear her shame.  That was just too much trauma for me, I had to leave the damn Jiffy Lube in a jiffy but sho’ nuff without the lube!) at the table at The Olive Garden — you name it, these kids are large and in charge.  Although Michelle Obama is working on the first problem, we gotta get a handle on the second.  That’s right, I’m calling your big, bulbous, bossy, badass babies out!

Folks, let’s not ignore history.  The fact is, for generations, our folk have been hands on with the babies.  No one is saying to beat these kids to a pulp but you can take a child and smack some sense into them every now and again without worry that they’re going to get all O-ren Ishii on your ass for calling the shots when they get out of order.  The truth is there is wisdom in the old ways.  Despite this article’s assertion that your child’s fear is something to be avoided, the truth is actually different:  your child’s fear is to be cultivated and then harnessed.  Fear of getting burned is why they don’t touch the stove and that’s a good thing because it leads to a safe, productive outcome.  The same logic applies.  You want that fear to work for you.  Don’t listent ot them folks who tell you that your kids shouldn’t be afraid of you.  Yes, they should — particularly before this big, corn-fed boy outgrows your ass and you completely lose control.  You gotta get the upper psychological hand early. 

I totally get that when it comes to kids discipline is not “one size fits all.”  It takes a combination of methods throughout your child’s formative years.  Developing your child’s social and behavioral boundaries will likely be a lifelong endeavor as you reach each milestone ahead of him or her.  Indeed, as much as your child watched and learned about work ethic when you left him early every morning at the breakfast table, he will watch you finally crawling the last mile to a hard-fought retirement.  As you gather your things and walk past your child’s curious gaze, eyeing him lovingly as he turns back to his bowl of cereal…smack the back of his head so his face hits the Cheerios and make sure the milk splashes.  Why you gotta be the only one goin’ to work?  That grown m#%&% is sittin’ at home eating Cheerios while you take your ass to work because 40 years ago, yo’ dumb ass chose the time out rather than the knock out!


10 thoughts on “Don’t Listen To Them, Listen To Me! I’m A Republican, I Know Spanking.

  1. “Spare the rod – spoil the child”

    As a parent and grandparent, I totally disagree with anyone, I repeat anyone professional, Dr. , Rev. in front of their names whatever I don’t care.. when you tell me I can’t spank my 1-5yr old not to spank their litt;e bad azz when there straight out bad or doing something that could harm themselves. Past those ages … I rarely if ever spanked my child or grands because by then they know me and who they were dealing with, and spanking were no longer needed… I have developed other psychological plows to control their little azzes. And they have worked for me thus far. My grown daughter has two masters degrees, my 16ry old son is respectful and has direction in his young life.. I’ll just say I am very proud of him. My three grands 7 mos, 3rys, and 8 yrs are a work in progress..I leave it up their parents with them of course… but when I keep them… especially my little 3yr grandson… well he’s knows his grandad… he has been know to get a little spanking on his little butt from time to time also. That time out stuff in young young ages 1-5 has little or no effect on mine… they laugh at that shit.

    Well that’s how I roll anyway… and my daughter and my son-in-law roll the same way. We’re all on the same page thank God. Their is much love in my heart towards my children, and grands. My goal is to help my make them successful goal driven individuals in life… and have life skills that will last them a lifetime.


  2. “You could get a spanking,” I told the kid. “You won’t get one for making a mistake. But after you know it’s a mistake, and you do it again, you WILL get a spanking.” I said this to him beginning at 12 months, even though he was pre-linguistic — because I knew he could understand much more than he could express. I repeated it over and over. And one day, when he was 3, he “earned” it. I made a big production out of it. “Go to your room, and wait there for your spanking.” I let him shudder there for a few minutes. I came in, explained it again: “If you know it’s wrong and do it anyway, this is what you will get.” Ceremoniously applied one good whack on the bare butt — handprint left behind. And told him: “I do NOT want to do this again.”

    Never had to spank him again. So … I agree: it’s the psychological aspect that actually works, and the only point in spanking is to demonstrate EARLY in life that decisions have consequences. That’s all it’s about.

    But I also believe if it comes off mean, it’s counter-productive. I can attest to this as well, since I was “disciplined the old fashioned way” and it made me worse, not better.

  3. I’m 29 years old, have 3 young children and yes, I whoops ass. K&CG is right, a little fear can be a productive and constructive thing when used properly. No questions asked, no egg-timer-like counting. There are no incidents of falling on the floor in the middle of walmart because they can’t have a candy bar, there is no bribery, cajoling, or reasoning with (now Johnny, you know that this behavior is inappropriate). Why the hell should I offer my children a treat for being good? They’re SUPPOSED to be. My kids say excuse me when they brush past someone, yes ma’am, no ma’am, please, thank you, and bless you when someone sneezes. People compliment them, “Oh they’re so polite and well behaved.” Don’t. This should not be the exception. My kids aren’t perfect, they fight amongst themselves, argue, have moments where they forget themselves and try to run off at the mouth. And then when they see the ass whoopin coming they find some sense. They are, after all, kids. But I digress. Children (at least my children) know the difference in a spanking and unwarranted violence. Putting an asswhoopin on little Johnny isn’t going to make him a woman beating, narcissistic, psychopathic serial killer. It’s going to help mold him into a responsible adult.

    • Egg timer counting!! OK, but when that timer dings, instead of sitting in the corner….you betta run! As far as rewarding kids for doing what they’re supposed to? I’m 100%, completely opposed to it. It sends the wrong message. that’s precisely why kids today think somebody owes them something.

      • Entitlement is a dangerous thing. Just ask anyone who’s graduated solely on the merits of the “no child left behind” policy.

        You know all the white mamas in the store do the egg-timer thing – “I’m going to give you until the count of 3 to put that back. 1…2…………3………… Billy, I know you heard me.” If you must be an egg-timer, at least follow it up by being an egg-beater. Follow through is key.

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