Since British Petroleum Is Clearly Not Able To Clean This Mess Up, I Guess BP Now Stands For Barack’s Problem

The oil spill puts a true Obama girl like me into a difficult position. It’s not that I expect him to figure out how to stop the leak. If I may channel my inner Johnny Cochrane for a moment – If BP can’t see, then BO don’t know. I’m cool with that. But I do expect the Prez to get in BP’s ass and stay there until the leak is stopped, the American people are honestly informed, and the future impacts are identified and mitigated to every extent possible. In other words, we need a clear and communicated plan of attack. It’s on you, Prezzy Prez, whatchu gon’ do? Lemme tell you what I personally want.

First, let’s never forget that 11 lives were lost on that rig in the explosion that started it all. So, I’d like to see the feds hold BP accountable for those American lives if there is evidence of negligence or foul play. At present, those lives seem to be forgotten short of a brief memorial service and an investigation by BP into the actions of its contractors. While it’s important to remember them, it’s critical to avenge them and get justice and closure for their families. No jokes here.

Second, we need the government to force BP to allow the American people to look up BP’s skirt and get all up in its bidness. I, for one, wanna know what’s going on all up in there because, truth be told, it’s just lookin’ like a big ole cluster f—- right now. Ain’t no tellin’ what we’re gonna find in there. According to Newsweek, photogs are reporting that BP and local governments are preventing them from taking pictures of the most telling aspects of the spill. (click here) This is where I’d expect the federal gov’t to enforce full disclosure of the damage. Period. Let’s start collecting data and reconstructing the crime. I mean does NOBODY in government watch CSI? That’s how you do it! Look, there’s some lying and some collusion going on here and it’s all being covered up by thick layer of tar and sludge and slime. And by slime, I mean BP overpaid, squishy-bottom management. See, I think the problem we’re having with BP right now is that they tryna cover their asses before they clean up their shit. Every potty trained adult knows that just leads to an itchy butt. (Yes, I do realize the analogy fell apart somewhere but I’m a lover, not a writer. ) Which leads me to my minor point – those photogs are pretty brave to be snitchin’. Last year, BP netted $63 billion gross profits. This is the kind of money that can lead to dead, bloated photographers floating in an oily marinade of salty water and tar balls, if you know what I mean.

Third, I’d like the federal government to expand this full disclosure policy and increase regulatory controls to the other oil companies who are not better, just luckier, than BP. The law of competition tells us that the other oil companies are not employing significantly better controls and safety procedures than BP, otherwise, they wouldn’t be as profitable…yet they are. With the worst and the second worst environmental disasters separated by a mere twenty years, it’s evident that the oil companies are clearly incapable of self-policing. Just like children and some grown ass men, these companies will get away with as much bad behavior as we let them.

Lastly, I’d like to see us revisit old ideas as well as generate new ones. I’d like to see the field opened up to all thinkers, inventors and kinda smart people. As a rule, BP shouldn’t be allowed to poo-poo anyone’s ideas. Some good old-fashioned American ingenuity and innovation is what we need here, folks, and I don’t care how many East Indians, Russians and Chinese we have to outsource the problem to in order to solve it! There’s no way that this problem can’t be solved. I’m half an engineer my damn self…and even my goofy ass has some ideas. Imagine what a geek who HASN’T destroyed half his/her brain cells with alcohol could come up with! Brillante!!

So, POTUS, if you can hear me now…(I’m not sure if the mental telepathy thing works anymore since I stopped calling you My Boo) what you’re saying surely sounds presidential but what we’re looking for indeed is leadership in deed. I know you can do it…and I still got yo’ back!


14 thoughts on “Since British Petroleum Is Clearly Not Able To Clean This Mess Up, I Guess BP Now Stands For Barack’s Problem

  1. I would bet that the real “slow uptake” by the USGOV will not be any lead-footedness on taking ownership of the oil spill itself. After all, the owner really is BP and the government has no real expertise in managing sea-going oil rigs.

    Instead what’s slow is putting the screws to the companies involved. Are there any regulations that say, for a case like this when large-scale harm is done, every documented procedure, design decision, logbook, policy decision and internal communication must be preserved and turned over to regulators?

    There will be an investigation. A few congressional hearings will not do. But I’d be willing to bet right now there’s a lot of shredding and inbox cleaning going on, so the porcine execs can sit in front of a commission one day and say “I don’t recall ever having a conversation like that, your honor” with a couple of fingers crossed behind their backs.

    Just sayin’

    • The gov’t has no real expertise managing sea-going oil rigs…but they should have plenty of experience managing a hot, hairy, honkin’ mess!! I say send the feds in, seize all the docs and computers…and lock all those bastards up! It’s become clear that they’re more interested in covering up then cleaning up. I hope the government steps in and holds BP’s feet to the fire!!

      I know that’s wishful thinking…but a girl can dream, can’t she?

  2. Stock market went down today on BP news. AG Holder says the USGOV will pursue the perps and (six weeks in, why does he have to say this?) POTUS directs the commission to investigate “without fear or favor.”

    From the Yahoo News link:
    “In the Valdez spill, thousands of fishermen, cannery workers, landowners and Native Americans were initially awarded $5 billion in punitive damages, but the amount was eventually reduced to $507.5 million.”

    Now let’s see. If the justice system sets a precedent of settling punitive damages at 10 cents on the dollar (and I’ll bet the actual damages suffered were far greater than the original $5B anyhow), what is an oil company’s risk calculation when deciding to defy the law?

    Funny (?) we were writing about this today. We were waaaay ahead of the market. LOL.

    • I was cracking up when I read AG Holder’s announcement. So much righteous indignation! Laughable. Commissions, panels, investigations…we’re really pulling out the big guns on this one. Please, Hammer, don’t hurt ’em! Let’s just point the guns at the BP execs, fire and call it a day.

      Now, if we could only pick lottery numbers we’d have it made!

  3. BTW this kinda answers the question about your psychic connection to the POTUS formerly known as yourBOO. Maybe it’s still intact? Passion speaks louder than words. (I know. Slap me. LOL)

  4. This whole thing makes me sick because WE ALL know that the cost to clean up the spill + the damages BP will have to pay is still less than the $5 billion+ that BP made in the first quarter of this year.

    I also agree with you regarding the “safety and spill” plans from the other companies. If they were worth a damn, then that is the first place everyone would have looked to fix this nonsense.

    My question is this, once they fix this leak with the oil is still coming out of the pipe…who gets to claim those barrels? Does everyone get free gas for a year?

  5. Several things to ponder about this mess:

    1) If your boo (although, since I saw you before he did, hence he has to take a number after me …oh forget it) goes thru with criminal investigations of BP….will he also go after Bush Inc. for relaxing offshore drilling rules that favored BP??

    2) BP owns rights to the 2nd largest off-shore oil find in US waters. What will happen to those rights IF BP undergoes a hostile take-over either by a US or foreign own (most likely China) oil company?

    3) BP (from those who I know work in the industry) has been known to cut corners to save$$. BP is also rumored to have applied indirect pressure on the British Government to release one of the Lockerbie bombers in exchange for oil drilling rights in Libya. With this being said, will the Dems bring this up to counter GOP claims that Obama hasn’t done enough to plug the leak AND how “the chosen one” is hurting the domestic oil industry (so what if 50% of the oil we pump out of the gulf is exported overseas…whoops).

    4) Your average off-shore oil rig is manufactured by Hyundai heavy industries in South Korea (I hate Hyundai with a passion and it’s not about their cars, but the way the do business. I really wish I could talk about it…but I can’t). Will this oil spill encourage oil companies to manfacture oil rigs in the US?? Or will both parties continue to accept big oil money as they keep Off-shore oil rig manufacturing (and flagging of oil rigs) overseas?

    4) Sarah Palin….how will big oil use her to get revenge on Obama in the 2012 presidential elections??

    • 1) I don’t know about taking a number, Phil…the wait is long – endless even. If you count him and you, that’s like….two! And it’s time to let go of our grudge against Bush. Notice the Obama administration has stopped. It’s like watching a senior citizen blaming his even older, crusty, likely dead parents for things that didn’t go right in his life. It’s just not sexy.

      2) No one’s taking over BP. They’re writing a check and someone’s going to jail but he’ll die before he goes ala Kenneth Lay of Enron. I don’t for one minute believe he’s dead but rather then gov’t gave him a new identity and shipped him off somewhere. Who am I? Sam Sausagehead? will I believe just believe anything?

      3) I don’t know anything about their covert operations. But I do know their overt ones have bent us all over a low, low table.

      4) Don’t be talking ’bout my peeps…does that Starburst commercial have you think kimchi is made in Scotland? LOL!

      Second 4) Oh, LAAAAAAWD!!! We done did it now! I can see her campaign slogan now…Sarah’s Back, Bitches!!

      • 1) Glad you were able to see thru the failed joke. But back to the point, BP liars…er lawyers will simply point out to the Gov. lawyers that the rig was up to standards per current regulations, hence BP should not be found guilty of anything. Will Obama then see if BP handed out hush money to the cheney/bush disciples to relax the regs??

        2)If BP stock goes down into the 20’s…..a FOREIGN oil company wishing to expand in the US will definitely buy some stock. And since the Chinese are flushed with $$$$$$$$, I can see them making a move (or the russians, or a combo of middle-eastern and chinese money people). BP managment better step up, or someone related to Chow Yung Fat will escort them out of their offices in houston.

        3) Agreed

        4) Your “peeps” at Hyundai had to be reminded about the sanctity of a contract and the proper way of working with a US state government, and I’ll leave it at that.

        Finally, I can’t wait to see how Sarah Fakin tries to use this mess to her advantage….kinda like watching the black knight from “monty python’s search for the holy grail” using a sword 😉

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