The oil spill puts a true Obama girl like me into a difficult position. It’s not that I expect him to figure out how to stop the leak. If I may channel my inner Johnny Cochrane for a moment – If BP can’t see, then BO don’t know. I’m cool with that. But I do expect the Prez to get in BP’s ass and stay there until the leak is stopped, the American people are honestly informed, and the future impacts are identified and mitigated to every extent possible. In other words, we need a clear and communicated plan of attack. It’s on you, Prezzy Prez, whatchu gon’ do? Lemme tell you what I personally want.
First, let’s never forget that 11 lives were lost on that rig in the explosion that started it all. So, I’d like to see the feds hold BP accountable for those American lives if there is evidence of negligence or foul play. At present, those lives seem to be forgotten short of a brief memorial service and an investigation by BP into the actions of its contractors. While it’s important to remember them, it’s critical to avenge them and get justice and closure for their families. No jokes here.
Second, we need the government to force BP to allow the American people to look up BP’s skirt and get all up in its bidness. I, for one, wanna know what’s going on all up in there because, truth be told, it’s just lookin’ like a big ole cluster f—- right now. Ain’t no tellin’ what we’re gonna find in there. According to Newsweek, photogs are reporting that BP and local governments are preventing them from taking pictures of the most telling aspects of the spill. (click here) This is where I’d expect the federal gov’t to enforce full disclosure of the damage. Period. Let’s start collecting data and reconstructing the crime. I mean does NOBODY in government watch CSI? That’s how you do it! Look, there’s some lying and some collusion going on here and it’s all being covered up by thick layer of tar and sludge and slime. And by slime, I mean BP overpaid, squishy-bottom management. See, I think the problem we’re having with BP right now is that they tryna cover their asses before they clean up their shit. Every potty trained adult knows that just leads to an itchy butt. (Yes, I do realize the analogy fell apart somewhere but I’m a lover, not a writer. ) Which leads me to my minor point – those photogs are pretty brave to be snitchin’. Last year, BP netted $63 billion gross profits. This is the kind of money that can lead to dead, bloated photographers floating in an oily marinade of salty water and tar balls, if you know what I mean.
Third, I’d like the federal government to expand this full disclosure policy and increase regulatory controls to the other oil companies who are not better, just luckier, than BP. The law of competition tells us that the other oil companies are not employing significantly better controls and safety procedures than BP, otherwise, they wouldn’t be as profitable…yet they are. With the worst and the second worst environmental disasters separated by a mere twenty years, it’s evident that the oil companies are clearly incapable of self-policing. Just like children and some grown ass men, these companies will get away with as much bad behavior as we let them.
Lastly, I’d like to see us revisit old ideas as well as generate new ones. I’d like to see the field opened up to all thinkers, inventors and kinda smart people. As a rule, BP shouldn’t be allowed to poo-poo anyone’s ideas. Some good old-fashioned American ingenuity and innovation is what we need here, folks, and I don’t care how many East Indians, Russians and Chinese we have to outsource the problem to in order to solve it! There’s no way that this problem can’t be solved. I’m half an engineer my damn self…and even my goofy ass has some ideas. Imagine what a geek who HASN’T destroyed half his/her brain cells with alcohol could come up with! Brillante!!
So, POTUS, if you can hear me now…(I’m not sure if the mental telepathy thing works anymore since I stopped calling you My Boo) what you’re saying surely sounds presidential but what we’re looking for indeed is leadership in deed. I know you can do it…and I still got yo’ back!