Daddy Long Stroke And The Church Of The Poisoned Mind

I had no idea who Eddie Long was but when I saw his picture for the first time, I knew immediately in my heart (as well as in other places) that, outside of physical force, there was nothing this man could do to get me to have sex with him, not today and not when I was a teenager.  No, thank you, Mr. Long.  I’ll pass on the trip to Africa and the new car so I’d appreciate it if you’d please put your penis away.  Thanks, buddy!

Let me first point out that no laws were broken here.  The boys, while young, were all over the legal age of sexual consent in Georgia which contrary to popular belief is not 12 but rather 16 (15 if the consenters are first cousins.)  So, right, wrong or indifferent, the yocals (oops, I mean, locals) believe that if you expose ‘em to enough heat and moonshine, horny teenagers are mature enough to be groped and fondled not just by one another, but also grown ass predators in jheri curl toupees.  The people have spoken.

So, really, what is the issue here?  I’m intrigued by the language of the lawsuit which claims that Long coerced the boys into sexual activity.  Sounds like someone needs to get Special Victims Unit on the horn.  Elliot?  Olivia?  Let’s not play games.  If Long fraudulently or otherwise unlawfully engaged these boys in sexual relations, if their consent was impaired, then he raped them.  But no one is using that language.  Perhaps because it seems unlikely that there was any actual resistance to his advances.

“Wait, what?  What did you just say?  Ohhhhhhh, you said, ‘No.’  Sorry, it was really difficult to tell what you were saying with those golden balls resting on your chin.  Really high-powered, trickin’ balls…but balls nonetheless.”

The lines of improper behavior here are really unclear.  His behavior is not criminal so what’s the basis for the charges?  What was the coercion?  So, dude bought you a bunch of stuff and then you slept with him.  Then, he didn’t want to sleep with you anymore so he stopped buying you stuff.  And now you’re mad that you slept with him.  I saw the pictures of him in the bathroom.  I’d be mad, too.  But really, what these fellas are describing doesn’t sound like coercion to me.  It’s sounds like dating.  Because if what you’re telling me is that rather than just denying the losers in my past, I can sue them…then you’ll excuse me while I get my attorney on Line 1!  Stuff for sex and sex for stuff is a time honored American tradition in all it’s euphemized and idiomatic forms…like, uh, marriage, for example.

Let’s go ahead and reduce this to its simplest core.  Guilty or not, battle cries notwithstanding, David is going settle out of court with Goliath, not throw rocks.  This isn’t about a lawsuit, it’s about a payoff.  I’m cool with that.  I get it.  If these boys have to face the consequences of their decisions, well than so does Long.  The most highly coveted booty is expensive. Pay now, pay later.  Men, why, oh why, is this so difficult to understand.  Here’s some advice:  when you are in positions of power and are married, stick with the wife.  I know it gets boring but it’s way more fun than having to give away all yo’ shit in the settlement and then half of what’s left to the wife as she walk out the door.  At the end of the day, it’s all pink.  But therein lies our problem…

What if Long was accused of dabbling in extramarital estrogen?  This would be just a blip on the screen and we’d be focusing all of our attention on his wife. “Girl, I can’t believe that mofo is cheating on you!!  Get Junebug n’em to beat his  ass while we bust the windows out his car!”  Jokes aside, how many times do we have to hear THAT story (the cheating part, not the ass whooping…that’s just me talking shit again)  before it gets old.  But since he was ticklin’ the testosterone, we ain’t even thinkin’ bout his damn wife.  What’s her name?

Look, the truth is – evangelism, in the wrong hands, is a lucrative business, not God’s work.  Anytime you have that much money flowing in any industry, you’re gonna attract this kinda Type A asshole narcissist that does what he wants regardless of how it impacts others.  We’ve heard this, we know this.  But move the whole thing down low and you just changed the game.

We are insanely obsessed with homosexuality in this country.  And that’s what the Eddie Long uproar is about.  According to this loose definition of coercion, young girls get “coerced” into sex every day as  a testament to Joe Everyman’s manhood but when good ol’ Joe tricks a young boy out of his pants and, therefore, his power, pandemonium breaks loose.  Somewhere in the back of our minds, Eddie Long is acting out our worse fear:  a big ‘mo forcing our young innocent boys into sex and recruiting them to the other side, the dark side…because this is what all homosexuals do.  They recruit.  Which is getting easier and easier because they’re side is lookin’ fab-u-lous!!  (Quit playing, y’all know everything they touch becomes instantly more manicured, better dressed, and plays the good disco in the background)

So, this has become a whole big “thing” instead of just “Eddie Long is a douchebag.”   It’s  sad because based on what I’ve been reading, he probably never belonged in anyone’s pulpit in the first place.  And I mean that whether the sexual accusations are true or not.   Because now, the entire Christian community will be judged by how Long and we respond to this debacle.  That’s really unfair because I missed Sunday School the day they taught us what to do about hot-in-the-drawers church leadership.


16 thoughts on “Daddy Long Stroke And The Church Of The Poisoned Mind

  1. A few points:
    1) I’m tired of commenting how great your blogs are. Please write a crappy blog, or three so I can complain (and not sound like a constant brown-noser) 🙂
    2) Seriously, your comment about evangelism in the wrong hands is spot-on.
    3) I really want to give long the benefit of the doubt, but the interview with one of his accusers AND the pics of Long in his tight shirt he supposedly sent to one of them, well….it rang my gaydar so hard, it broke!! (and I now have the hots again for queen latifah).

    4) I pray and hope if I have kids, and a Long-type preacher sends them text pics of him wearing a “muscle-tight shirt”, that my confrontation with said preacher will have me reciting how Jesus said “better to have a millstone tied around your neck than to harm the little ones” and biggie smalls infamous lyric “there will be a lot of slow-singing/flower bringing” while I get “taken (if you haven’t seen this movie…go rent it NOW)” on said preachers perverted ass!!

  2. Kym,
    No, what Eddie Long is accused of doing is much deeper than this. You see taking a fatherless boy under your wing at 14 years old and giving him love, attention and spiritual guidance until he turns the magic age in your state of 16 or 17 for the purpose of having sex with him is like fattening the turkey for Thanksgiving dinner. Then, take him on a trip on his birthday, across the world, away from his normal surroundings, friends, family, control his lodging, money, passport and give him a sedative… This is NOT a “Date.” It isn’t rape but it isn’t a normal situation. It is a situation and a trap deliberately set by a 52 year old man to put a young boy in a situation that he is emotionally and mentally not prepared for and doesn’t know how to deal with. He trusted you and bonded with you as a “Father.” Now, you are touching him improperly and he is frozen in fear. Once the deed is done there is shame.

    Stop ridiculing the victims. I don’t care what you say about that creepy false prophet but leave those young men alone!

    • Angela, if what you describe is actually what happened then the man is guilty of rape because the boys’ ability to meet the conditions of consent would have been impaired. But the scenario that you described is not what’s being reported (although it IS being whispered throughout the community which is certainly credible because backstory often becomes breaking story) MSNBC reports the following:

      “The suits claim that Long used his “spiritual authority” to coerce church members “into engaging in sexual acts and relationships for his own personal sexual gratification…The men were 17- and 18-year-old members of the church when they say Long, an outspoken critic of gay rights, abused his spiritual authority to seduce them with cars, money, clothes, jewelry, international trips and access to celebrities.”

      They go on to say:

      “On a 2008 trip to New Zealand for Robinson’s 19th birthday, the suit claims Long engaged in oral sex with him, and that after the getaway, Long “regularly engaged in sexual touching and other sexual acts” with him. It also claims Long regularly gave him cash, paid his college tuition and attempted to “engage in sexual relations” with Robinson during a May grief counseling session after the death of Robinson’s best friend.”

      To me? Decidedly less predatory than the situation you describe.

      If the fact is that Long was more diabolical in his approach — selecting minor aged children and then breaking them down psychologically and grooming them for his own sexual purposes, then these boys have truly been victimized. But no matter what I read, I don’t see these claims. if this version was credible, then wouldn’t the lawsuit, which is designed to bring the most compelling account to light, state that?

      It’s unfortunate that Long took advantage of these boys. I do believe that they were wronged. But if someone is victimizing these boys, I think its our culture that drives our young people to lose sight of their own value unless it compares to that of celebrities and ballers and the like. I think these boys were given access to a lifestyle that they see on T.V. and wanted in. I think Long could see that desperation and he took advantage of it. Again, certainly wrong, certainly immoral, certainly not Christlike. But the jury is still out on whether it was abusive or coerced. I’d need to see more facts supporting that assertion. But it’s not too late…I have a feeling the worst is yet to come.


      • The only thing I disagree with Angela’s reply is the “rape” issue. To me, rape is sexually forcing yourself upon someone who doesn’t want to have sex with you. What that pervert long did should be considered rape because he manipulated the minds of young men who were having difficulties to have sex with him.

        Now if these young men were in the right mindset (not saying that they were crazy, but had stressors in their life that left them open to be taken advantage of) I doubt pervert long would have tried to have sex with them. Pervert long is your typical sexual predator who has to prey on the weak to satisfy his lust. And if more evidence can prove that pervert long is truly a pervert, he should lose everything he has/banned from preaching for life/and the male relatives of his victims should beat pervert long to withing 1/4 inch of his life.

  3. You are right Kym, I was mixing the various tales together to paint a picture and make a point not really say what happened because only those two know exactly how it went down.

    The videos that have come out with the young men telling their story and sharing their pain are very believable.

    But, if the church does not teach and lead us by example as to what is the righteous moral course then where will we learn it? Yes, our society has intertwined money with acceptabilty that’s why we can have television commercial with refer smoking, gun toting Snopp Dogg and respected business icon Lee Iaccoa as pals.

    When you did not have a father to buy you a bike and now you have one that buys you a car, it is very disconcerting. Our spiritual leaders should be stepping up and speaking against this reprehensible behavior.

    • Wow, just watched the videos.

      I hope this serves as a wake-up call to the Christian community…but I doubt it. I, like you, think there should have been a response from our leadership, it would have formulated by now. All I hear is crickets.


  4. When I was on the force, an officer lost his job (and rightfully so) for having sex with his girlfriend’s 19 year old daughter. He was charged with statutory rape, despite her age, because he was in a position of authority…which has an impact on consent. Easy to tell any creepy person no, but could be hard for someone to tell their dad no…I think that is where they are going with this situation.

    Just a fool situation! Lace front wig, skinny jeans and a smedium shirt so a serious lack of judgement on the part of Bishop Magic Don Juan

    • I update your comment to say “i” instead of “u”

      Since when is mama’s boyfriend considered an authority figure? Back in the day, we just called ’em Uncle So-and-So and kept it pushing. Dang!

      In all seriousness, I can imagine that police officers and ministers alike have a higher duty of care on matters of trust. Sex would surely qualify. Maybe in Georgia, anything goes because there were no criminal charges filed. Go figure.

  5. Sunshine,

    Pragmatically I blame everyone for this issue. There is no one ” less to blame but the whole community.” YES I SAID IT. I BLAME EVERYONE. I would welcome a chance to chalk this up on the phone with you.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s