A friend made a comment today that explains a lotta shit – he said, to paraphrase, that Bill Clinton made such a mockery of the office of President that he actually eroded the standard to which we, as Americans, once held our leaders and politicians. If the last couple of days have been any indication, now any dancin’ monkey with a street organ and a tin cup can run for office and frighteningly — can win votes.
There’s a whole bunch o’ chicanery going on in politics now. That’s chicanery…not be confused with chicano-ry. Which is what Sharron Angle came up against when she walked into a room full of Latino students and tried to deflect criticism about the use of dark-skinned images solely to characterize Latinos in her ads. This ignoramus actually said that its “difficult to pinpoint someone’s race” and then to prove it, she went to tell them that some of them “look Asian to me.” Apparently, someone’s race isn’t as difficult to pinpoint as she had originally thought just milliseconds before. In all fairness, Asians are just easier to pick out…what with their ubiquitous bowing and ever-present protractors. When asked to clarify, Angle replied, “Hey, burritto, eggroll..it’s all the same.”
Speaking of Asians, the father of the world’s most famous little Eskimo, Tripp Palin, has just announced his plans to run for mayor of Wasilla, AK – a post once held by his famously infamous baby mama’s mama, Sarah Palin. His platform? There’s no real qualification to run for the office so he’s certainly as qualified as anyone else. Yup, folks, he actually said that with his actual mouth. Hey, Levi…may I suggest a campaign slogan for you: “I might be dumb as nickel but I’m worth five cents more than the bitch you had before.”
If that wasn’t enough, we were treated to a politician so stupid, her only proven accomplishment is being the one person on earth dumber than Sarah Palin, a title previously held by the likes of Paris Hilton and Dan Quayle. That’s right, folks, Christine O’Donnell wowed us all with her knowledge of the First Amendment in a senatorial debate against Chris Coons denying that the Constitution called for a separation of church and state. After Coons replied that the Constitution “bars Congress from making laws respecting the establishment of religion,” O’Donnell abruptly countered with “I know you are but what am I?” Sources close to Coons report that he had to be physically restrained to prevent him from replying “perky tits and a nice ass.”
And speaking of Coons…who the f$#@ left the gate open? I can’t possibly close this post without addressing the up and coming Rent’s Too Damn High party. Folks, I’m here to tell you while the rent may be too damn high, clearly the bar is way too damn low. Somehow, Jesse Ventura and Uncle Ben’s love child was able to meet all of the requirements to participate in the gubernatorial race in the state of New York. I used to think that level of democracy made this country great. Now I think it’s a good diagnosis tool for dementia…or great entrepreneurship. This soundbyte is just beggin’ to be laid over an autotune track and sold on iTunes. Don’t Be Tardy For The Rent’s Too Damn High Party! Sure, let’s dance to it but don’t buy it. The only thing scarier than a fool with power is a fool with funding. Have we learned nothing from eight years of George W. Bush?
Damn, I had a light and airy post today about Christmas at Neiman Marcus but I got sidetracked by this here shit. Now I’m angrier than a black woman at an NBA Wives convention. I could go on with more examples of politics gone wrong but enough is ENOUGH, America. All this crap happened in the last two days!! We gotta to hold our politicians to a higher standard starting right now. Use your votes wisely to make your priorities known to your local politicians. Then use your pens. Write a letter. Make a phone call. If you have some free time, drive down to a mofo’s office and sit there and until he or she comes out and talks to you. Bring coffee and donuts. Make it nice.
They work for us…now let’s be like massah and work ’em til they can’t work no more. Don’t make me sing no Negro spirituals up in this piece. Cuz I will, y’know, for emphasis…and for karaoke.