Voting for Obama the first time was the equivalent, I imagine, of sleeping with someone on the first date. In either scenario, you gave up something valuable – your vote or your cookies – without really knowing much about the other party. Maybe you got caught up in the moment, or maybe you’re just generous with your cookies. I don’t know. But what I do know is that a choice like this is always a gamble. Whatever your goal may be, sometimes the risk pays off but sometimes you just get screwed.
Let’s be clear. I got the hots for Obama. If he was single or his wife didn’t pack two guns, he could totally get it. He’s kinda like the man that I’ve built in my dreams – a funny uber-intelligent super geek with a nerdy yet cocky swagger…who spends his spare time inventing algorithms that mimic human intelligence while quoting Tupac to a dope beat…who tells jokes that are above my head and snort-laughs until soda comes out of his nose…who has the perfect amount of mock self-deprecation to cover up his huge ego and charming arrogance. *sigh* How am I not married by now?
So, I had mixed emotions when Obama announced his re-election campaign. No surprise here, folks. This is what sitting Presidents do. Despite what his critics say, it’s got nothing to do with disordered priorities or lack of focus…it’s just the nature of the beast. Quite frankly, it would be weird if dude was like, “Nah, I’m good. I’ma pass.” Neither is it too far in advance. 583 days may look like some serious, way in advance planning but those who are complaining about the timing of his announcement have clearly not learned anything from observing this man at work over the last two years. You cannot underestimate his ability to move the American people. The timeframe should be a warning shot that this man has got big thangs poppin’. He ain’t afraid of you muthaf…well, you get the point.
That said, I’m still a Republican and as much as I love the man, I can’t stand the man’s policies. This is where the getting screwed part comes in. I’m tired of the excuse that he inherited a mess because he’s made as many messes as he inherited at this point. Bush was a monkey. Got it. Got over it, too. But we can’t fix it by spending more money on it. (On a side note, I sure hope that the next time I lay bleeding to death in an alley, I’m not found by a Democrat because clearly y’all have not yet learned that you cannot stop a gushing wound with a band-aid. But I digress.) It’s high time to look forward in a fix-it state of mind and the rampant spending is not going to get us there. All it does is give voice to a bunch of radical fundamentalists who are attempting to take this country hostage with it’s terroristic rhetoric. Cup of Tea, anyone?
So listen to me, GOP…I’m looking you dead in yo’ face and lettin’ you know – absent a better candidate, I will be voting for Barak Hussein Obama again in 2012. I did it in 2008 cuz I wanted to peep some change on the docket, now I want a better option cuz I wanna KEEP some change in my pocket. (I miss Jesse, y’all) So, you got only 583 days to rustle up a better option. Not such a long time after all, no? While, you runnin’ around worried about somebody’s damn birth certificate – and by the way, seriously? Do you expect me to believe that this man runs the most important country on earth…wait, that would be China…ok, so the most important country in North America…well, no THAT would be Mexico (drug cartels alone can’t be that powerful without states – but that’s another post)…hmmmm, the most important country north of Mexico (sorry, Canada!) without a background check while the rest of us can’t get a job at the post office without pissing in some plastic? Look, this man is talking about raising a billion dollars. Stop bitching and get your priorities straight. Obama is the candidate to beat, not the candidate to bitch. Everybody knows you can’t a bitch a black man with a billion dollars in his pocket!
So, let’s clear the arena of all the rodeo clowns, identify the bucking steer and let the games begin. Let’s look at the Republican candidates, shall we?
- Sarah Palin? The missing link? Alive and well in Alaska. Pass.
- Newt Gingrich? I’m not voting for a man named after a toxic, slimy reptile. (ok, they’re really amphibians but I took a little license here) His mama knew what she was doing. That’s not a name, it’s a warning.
- Donald Trump? If you can’t manage your hair, then you can’t manage the country. I said the same to John Kerry about his wife’s mouth. Leadership starts in our homes and personal lives.
- Mike Huckabee? I don’t believe any candidate with Tourette’s Syndrome has ever won the Presidency. Shaddap!!
- Ron Paul? He just LOOKS like he got some slaves all tricked and trapped up in his basement. Uhhh….Mr. Paul? We’se free now!
That leaves us with Mitt Romney…and didn’t he get in fight with a hip hop artist on a plane? Then again, that might be just what we need. Perhaps he and Obama can just shove this one out. Winner takes all!