The Real Man Whisperer

Prior to today, I have stayed away from the topic of relationships. Mostly because I’m no effin’ good at them.

But today one of the fellas sent me this article and asked me my thoughts. (Click Here)

My thoughts on this are the same as my thoughts on relationships…”Shaddap!” Too many effin’ words. No man is going to read all of these words. So I went ahead and wrote out the DickNotes for The 8 Reasons Why A Real Man Would Never Cheat On Someone He Truly Loves.

#1: Real men are emotionally stable.

No the hell you’re not. Here’s the truth. Men…you’re going to have feelings. And then, because you’re maniacs, you’re going to have feelings about those feelings. When you’re done ovulating, drop the second set of feelings and use your words.

#2: Real men have enough willpower to keep it in their pants

That’s dumb. If you’re going to keep it in your pants…then keep it moving. Listen at this age, with your paunchy midriff and tentative hairline, you’re no catch, Princess. You haven’t got much else to offer. So take it out of your pants as frequently as you can – just make sure I’m around. As a matter of fact, give me your pants right now.

#3: Real men don’t date women they don’t love or don’t believe they can one day love.

WTF? How am I supposed to eat?

#4: Real men are respectful.

You better be cuz if you’re not…let’s just say that two can play this game. What? No, that’s not an invitation for a threesome, perv.

#5: Real men don’t need to add notches to their belts simply to make themselves feel like men.

Well, you the hell need something to hold them pants over that belly cuz that last hole on your belt has turned into the thin line between love and hate.  Maybe the notches would help.

#6: Real men would never hurt the women they love.

Unless she spits on him in an elevator. Too soon?

#7: Real men know what’s important in life – and it’s not another piece of ass

Why is it that men to get to have a piece of ass while we women have to contend with entire assholes?

#8: Real men have the guts to break up with women

As long as you’re not actually sitting IN the car, glass shards from the windshield probably won’t hit you anyway.

Any questions?

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5 thoughts on “The Real Man Whisperer

  1. We, the willing {men}, led by the unknowing {our dicks} are doing the impossible {make women happy} for the ungrateful {her friends}. We have been doing this for so long {corrupting the innocent &/or masturbate}, we are not qualified to do anything with nothing {corrupt the gene pool}

  2. #1 – yup
    #2 – yup
    #3 – hilarious
    #4 – Damn
    #5 – nothing like Double Ds*
    #6 – lol…..nope
    #7 – PRICELESS
    #8 – who cares, read #7 again

    *doing dexatrim……what!?!?! you thought I meant the fountains of youth

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